Great news on the helmet front!
 

The main motoring organisations and manufacturers have finally agreed
to produce all new cars from 2010 in the shape of anvils. These new
vehicles will be limited to 12 mph by ISA naturally. This will have an
enormous effect on KSI figures. As part of the deal, cyclists will be
expected to keep off the sodding pavement, and stop RLJing. There will
be no excuse for these antisocial "defensive" strategies any more.

Of course, motorists will be free to override the limiter and
accelerate on sighting any helmetless riders. They will be encouraged
to hit them over their bare heads with frying-pans, unless they have
mallets, of course. Whille so doing they should shout "Knockin'
Noggins!" The now outmoded and discredited "ramming" followed by a
SMIDSY will no longer be acceptable.

As a sweetener, all motorists will have to wear red noses or Mickey
Mouse ears, just to remind them that even the best of them (as we all
know, the vast majority) are capable of being complete arses.