THE WAR ON TERROR.



The British have reacted to the recent terrorism alerts by raising their
security level "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be
raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross".

Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea
supplies all ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to
a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of
alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday, as is customary, and the
only threats they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe, the Americans have gone from
"Isolation" to "Find Somewhere Else in the Middle East Ripe for Regime
Change". Their remaining two higher alert states are "Take on the World" and
"Ask the British for Help".


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