Someone is going to be in trouble. Not me though.

It comes from my being the resident English speaker on duty as it
were.

I was waiting around at the bike shop for a meeting with the owner.
She was a bit late, the mechanics were too busy for talking, and I
really didn't have anything to do.

Wander upstairs.

Wander downstairs.

Wander upstairs.

Take a look at some of the shiny new goodies in the cabinet of very
small and very expensive items. There's a Selle Italia saddle in
there that, if I weren't about to go on long distance tour I'd been
buying for my race bike. I'd waited months for this saddle to come
in. It was always backordered. And now that's it's in stock I'm
about to head out on my tour bike. Race bike toys will just have to
wait for the next time I'm racing.

Next to my intended saddle there was another one. Full carbon. Scary
light. Beautiful in the way a Porsche is beautiful. I could purchase
it but I won't. It wouldn't match the rider or her race bike. I'm
just not that good.

Little cardboard booklet tied to the saddle rails with string. Bike
shop owner not here yet. At home I read cereal boxes. Here I read
instruction booklets attached to carbon fiber saddles.

I read it through. I read it through again. And a third time.

How could this be? This is an American brand, surely an American
brand wouldn't have that many or that kind of typographical error ...
especially not one that's in the business of selling very very _very_
expensive items, with this being an especially expensive
representative of that brand's tendency to be expensive.

I hear the bike shop owner downstairs and put the saddle down. On my
way downstairs I walk past the large poster exhorting people in
Chinese not to buy counterfeit or gray market goods. It was put out
by Shimano Shanghai as part of the shop-in-shop partnership thing.
Sitting down with her in the back of the shop I can see a row of
Discovery Channel team jerseys that cost over USD100 apiece. Next to
them is one that looks more or less like the others with a large sign
on it "Counterfeit Product, Not For Sale". I already know that if I
look at it up close it will say UCI Europe Tour instead of UCI Pro
Tour and that I can find four or five other insignificant places where
it doesn't quite pass muster.

There are other things to talk about. It doesn't occur to me to
mention what I saw upstairs. However, an hour later, I'm on the way
to dinner with them and I'm looking at the English on the back of the
ID badge identifying the manager of the bike shop as a torch bearer
for the relay. It's perfect. I comment on the perfection of the
English, and then, because it had stuck in my mind as being strange
that the English on the tag wasn't right I mentioned that.

What do I mean the English isn't right?

I mean not right. I mean one sentence printed twice. I mean another
sentence in the wrong place. I mean a sentence that ends in mid-word.

That's very strange.

A suggestion is made that perhaps I shouldn't hold local goods up to
the same level of English scrutiny that I hold foreign products up
to. After all, everyone in the car knows that English on local
products is there mostly as decoration.

By the way, what did I see this tag on?

I tell them.

I've known the bike shop owner for nearly three years now and I've
never before seen her look so angry.

She has four bike shops in two cities. She's also the person who
brings in most of the mid-end stuff for six more partner shops in
another five cities. She provides all the rental bikes and their
maintenance packages to all of the five star resorts in the
province.

Someone in going to be in trouble. Big trouble. I don't know who the
someone is but whoever they are I'd hate to be them. In fact, right
now, until an explanation is found for the incorrect English on that
particular tag I'd hate to be in the import department of any company
that sells expensive bike goods in China.

-M