On Monday, February 18, 2019 at 7:22:10 PM UTC, Mr Pounder Esquire wrote:
Took the dog out for a walk and there was a bicycle lying on the middle of
the footpath. I could have tripped over this silly thing, but I managed to
walk over the spokes several times, I have big feet. Came back and it was
still there, woops, I again walked over the spokes - with a vengeance.
Last walk of the day, the lump of **** was still there. I think it may now
be unridable - I have big feet.
I did consider kicking the silly thing into the gutter, where it belongs,
but this could inconvenience proper road users....... drivers. Then again,
as the bicycle is on the middle of the footpath there is a good chance that
a footpath riding lump of **** on a bicycle will ride in to it and be sent
flying into the road. Hopefully into the path of a HGV.

We are not interested in your sordid fantasies, especially when it involves you "Walking your (little) dog" in public. Not that anyone would notice given its size and your 100m 'personal hygiene' force field. I am a little surprised the bike didn't get up and ride away on its own when you breathed near it.