Happy Halloween, Homeys (and All Other Homos!) -

There I was trying to come up with a fun idea for the
upcoming spooky holiday - something grotesque, bizarre,
UGLY, instinctively unpleasant and/or repulsive, but
ultimately utterly harmless, merely a pitiful bad joke
to offend a few folks' tender sensitivities. Then...
an old memory returned to me: a Usenet TROLL!

Well, it's been awhile now, but I see poor ARBR is still
suffering with its record-setting, repugnant, recalcitrant
resident. Creeping (and creepy) senility has not improved
either its disposition, its credibility or its language
skills. All the classical symptoms are the paranoia,
schizophrenia, memory loss, extreme difficulty in even the
simplest communications. Total loss of social skills,
radical mood swings from annoying, oversensitive egotism
to pathetic, whimpering self-pity... WOO-oo-OO-oo-OOOOO...

Sadly, however, even if somewhere there may be some actual,
physical, real-world manifestation of this 'virtual'
e-freak, AFAIK, any evidence of that fact is rarer than
Big Foot footage. All we have is a quirky quagmire of oddly
atavistic absurdities accented by antagonistic assertions,
argumentative aspersions and of course the countless cranky
but confused contradictions. My favorite among its recent
regurgitations:

In one post the TROLL obsequiously inquires:

Who the Hell are these assholes who think they can come
unto[sic] a small newsgroup like ARBR and wantonly destroy
it?

as in another it inanely answers its own question:

[The TROLL itself] has accomplished [its] mission of
ridding ARBR of all [its paranoically projected opponents]
even though it has meant the destruction of ARBR itself.

Every time I read this TROLL's triumphant trumpeting of its
egomaniacal exploits, I'm reminded of all those young
athletes in East Germany's 80s-era Olympic program, a few
of whom now have a nice medal or two as consolation for all
those early deaths, cancer, heart failures and loss of
sexual traits. Yay, team...

Regards,
Wayne