You said I am a "felon". You know that's a lie, yet you refuse to admit it, further compounding your lie. QED You are hopeless -- like ALL mountain bikers.

Oxford English Dictionary

felon; a person who has committed a felony

Battery is a felony offence

Therefore, QED, since you HAVE been convicted of Battery you ARE a felon.

You can rail against it all you like; write DUH, claim all mountainbikers like or that everyone lied at your trial. But, against a dictionary definition of the word, you are axiomatically a felon.

But, I don't want to be too mean to you ... perhaps you would prefer ...

criminal
culprit
evildoer
lawbreaker
miscreant
offender
jailbird
prisoner

Let me know which one you like best :-)