Stolen from rec.sport.triathlon: How to brag about doing an Ironman

I thought you lot would get a good laugh out of this one. Hell I might
even blog it.

Tam

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: How to brag about doing an Ironman
Date: 14 Nov 2005 07:32:19 -0800
From:
Newsgroups: rec.sport.triathlon

Before I started to train an Ironman, I bought a training plan; I read
books on hydration and fuel replacement, I listened to endless hours of
advice from elite and pro triathletes. This information did help me
finish, but it did not teach me how to correctly brag about being an
Ironman.

My friends and I came up with a six phase program which will aid you in
bragging about your Ironman . Use this plan from the moment you
register until well after the race is complete for the most bang for
your bragging buck.

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one
year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an
Ironman. During this phase, you must let all of your non-Ironman
friends know you can't hang out with them anymore, because you just
signed up for an Ironman. If you don't have any Ironman friends, then
go to a place where runners or bikers hang out. Look for the Ironman
symbol (M Dot) on their training clothes. An Ironman would never be
caught running or biking without their Ironman stuff.

Training Phase: Training for an Ironman can be compared to having a
part time job. You must let everyone you meet know this. This can be
accomplished by sighing loudly at work, mumbling how tired you are
because you just biked 100 miles, because you are in training for an
Ironman. You can also skillfully steer the conversation with your
neighbors and co-workers to your Ironman training. Here is an example:

Neighbor: "Did you hear what President Bush said this week?"
Lee: "Were you aware that President Bush is a biker? I just biked 100
miles today. I am training for an Ironman."

Co worker: Lee, are you working late tonight?
Lee: No, I have to get up early to do a 20 mile run.

I even once rang my neighbor's door and when he answered, I said
"Sorry Bob, can't talk to you now, I am training for an Ironman."

One Week before the Race Phase: You need to let your neighbors and
co-workers know you will be gone for a little while, competing in an
Ironman. Once again, you can steer the conversation to your Ironman
race.

Neighbor: "Wow Lee your lawn looks great!"
Lee: "My lawn is going to look bad this next week; I will be competing
in an Ironman."

Race Expo Phase: You must buy as much Ironman merchandise as possible.
For years we saved our money to send both of my boys to private
college, but sacrifices must be made. Both Derick and Ty will be going
to junior college now. You must buy enough Ironman clothes to cover
every day at work and training. You must also buy plenty of shirts for
your spouse and children. They will also spread the word that you just
finished an Ironman.

The Race Phase: At http://www.ironmanlive.com you can setup automatic
emails and cell phone message notifications of your Ironman timing
splits. You can use all of the entries in your email and cell phone
address book. Include everyone regardless of whether they remember you
are or not. It just does not matter, because you are an Ironman.

Post Race Phase: The finisher medal can be worn for one day per the
number of miles raced and everyone knows that an Ironman is 140.6
miles. So wear that medal for 141 days (always round up as opposed to
rounding down your finishing time). Your children must be trained to
say, "My daddy is an Ironman. He gave me this shirt. He's an
Ironman." This must be emphasized over and over with your children. I
did not do this after I ran the Boston marathon, and Derick, my oldest
boy, told everyone at his day care that his grandma ran the marathon.
Your spouse must memorize all of your splits (swim, bike and run). You
must also include both transition splits as well. Instead of wearing a
shirt which states, "I am with Dummy", your spouse will wear a
shirt which says, "I am with a stud Ironman". All conversations
must be steered to your Ironman race.

Co-Worker: "Did you hear about the new work policy?"
Lee: "Nope, I did not; I was racing in an Ironman."

For at least one month you can say, "Well, I 'm only going to run
easy today, I just did an Ironman."
When someone brings up a subject of hardships suffered, you need to
remind them that you also have suffered through hardships while
training and racing in your Ironman.

You can also use these ideas to brag about other races, but please only
brag about races which are longer than 13.1 miles.

Tamyka Bell wrote:
I thought you lot would get a good laugh out of this one. Hell I might
even blog it.



haha. Thanks for a laugh.

wayneo Wrote:
Tamyka Bell wrote:
I thought you lot would get a good laugh out of this one. Hell I
might
even blog it.



haha. Thanks for a laugh.

You've got to me nonchalont as well, ironman, ooh yeah I've done 9.


--
PiledHigher

"Tamyka Bell" wrote

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one
year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an
Ironman.

I hardly had time to read this post, I am in training for a marathon ride
next year

Loved it, gave me a good laugh.

BruceA

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Tamyka Bell Wrote:
I thought you lot would get a good laugh out of this one. Hell I might
even blog it.

SNIP

You can also use these ideas to brag about other races, but please only
brag about races which are longer than 13.1 miles.
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Killer. But pls keep posts shorter. I'm training for an
semi-demi-quarter ironman


--
monsterman

Tamyka Bell Wrote:

You can also use these ideas to brag about other races, but please only
brag about races which are longer than 13.1 miles.
*chuckles*

The ones that really crack me up are the folk who play on others'
confusion that any triathlon is at least an ironman distance.

ali


--
alison_b

BruceA wrote:

"Tamyka Bell" wrote

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one
year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an
Ironman.

I hardly had time to read this post, I am in training for a marathon ride
next year

Loved it, gave me a good laugh.

BruceA

Yeah, I'm sorry everyone, I skipped most of your posts because I am in
training, I am going to do a 100 mile run. (Some time before I am 30)

Tam

"Tamyka Bell" wrote in message
...
BruceA wrote:

"Tamyka Bell" wrote

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one
year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an
Ironman.

I hardly had time to read this post, I am in training for a marathon ride
next year

Loved it, gave me a good laugh.

BruceA

Yeah, I'm sorry everyone, I skipped most of your posts because I am in
training, I am going to do a 100 mile run. (Some time before I am 30)

Tam

Go on. Tell us you're doing an ironman. And what his name is.

alison_b Wrote:
*chuckles*

The ones that really crack me up are the folk who play on others'
confusion that any triathlon is at least an ironman distance.

ali
I'm very amused at the moment to realise people are looking at me like
I am some sort of sporting god because I am doing a triathlon. I hardly
think the event I am doing this weekend - 150m swim/5km ride/1.5km run -
even counts as a triathlon! Still, I shall let the adoring masses
believe great things.


--
SuzieB

Resound wrote:

"Tamyka Bell" wrote in message
...
BruceA wrote:

"Tamyka Bell" wrote

Sign Up Phase: For most Ironman events, you have to register up to one
year in advance. This gives you plenty of time to brag about doing an
Ironman.

I hardly had time to read this post, I am in training for a marathon ride
next year

Loved it, gave me a good laugh.

BruceA

Yeah, I'm sorry everyone, I skipped most of your posts because I am in
training, I am going to do a 100 mile run. (Some time before I am 30)

Tam

Go on. Tell us you're doing an ironman. And what his name is.

Nah, I'm over those triathlete types. They all have issues.
Hahahahahahaha. *rides and hides*