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Longer rides not with husband?



 
 
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  #1  
Old June 11th 04, 01:20 AM
Claire Petersky
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

OK, here's the deal.

Long ago, in the wintertime, my husband and I signed up for RSVP, a two-day
183 mile ride from Seattle to Vancouver, BC. We have the hotel reservations,
everything.

Two weeks from now is the Flying Wheels Century. The elevation profile for
the 100 mile loop is remarkable similar to the elevation profile for the
first day of RSVP. I've been planning to do the 100 mile loop, under the
theory that if I can do the 100 mile ride at the end of June, I should be
able to complete the 183 mile ride by the beginning of August. I'm also
planning a two-day (100 miles back-to-back) STP ride in July, which he has
already decided he wouldn't do.

Now it's the middle of June. Unlike last year, my husband's hardly been
riding. He does one to three short (10 - 30 mile) rides a week. I haven't
been Lance Armstrong myself, but I'm doing more like 100 miles/week just
commuting, and then doing a longer ride over the weekend.

My husband's in school these days, and this week and next week are the
end-of-the-quarter break. A few weeks ago I had a sort of come-to-Jesus
conversation with him about how he needed to really use the break to pour on
the miles if he really wanted to do Flying Wheels and RSVP with me. Like 30+
miles every day, to get himself up to where Flying Wheels (much less RSVP)
are conceivable. It's now four days into that break, and he's going on his
first ride (an 18 mile round trip) today. I don't blame him for wanting to
do other things on his break, like rest and relax, but there's trade-offs,
and one of those trade-offs might be, he might not be doing these rides with
me this summer.

Right now, for me, doing the complete century (as opposed to say, the 70
mile loop) feels like a stretch, but I've done it before, and I could
probably survive it again. The problem: I just don't see how my husband's
going to be able to do it. The last longer ride we did together, about 45
miles, he faded before the end, and I had to ride to the car by myself and
circle back and pick him up. In general, he's got the big muscles to push up
any sort of hill, but he doesn't seem to have the endurance for longer
rides.

So, here are my choices:

a. Do the Flying Wheels full 100 mile loop. He can do the 50 or 70 mile
loop. We'll ride together for part of the ride. He just has to make the
commitment to have his stuff ready and to get up early enough to make it
feasible for me to be able to complete the 100.

b. Make a commitment to doing the ride with him, and doing it on our tandem,
and doing the 70 mile loop. It won't be the 100 I was hoping for, but the 70
mile loop would be a first for us on a tandem, so has the feeling of a
different kind of accomplishment. I would have it in my back pocket that,
if he feels like he's going to plotz, I can push it as stoker and get him
through it.

c. Make the commitment to doing the 70 mile loop with him, on singles. He
can do a self-evaluation at the break-off point between the 50 and 70 mile
loop, and see if he can actually finish the 70 mile loop.

d. Just do the Flying Wheels full 100 mile loop, and not worry about him at
all. I have friends I can ride with, let him register and get himself down
there to ride, even if it's later in the morning, if that's what he wants to
do.

Then, after this choice is made, we'll have to decide about whether or not
RSVP is really happening as a couple. If we did the 70 mile loop on a
tandem, I'd feel much more confident about being able to pull off RSVP on a
tandem, too.

What do you think? I don't want to nag him, but I'm very nervous about how
this is going to work out.

Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
Please replace earthlink for mouse-potato and .net for .com
Home of the meditative cyclist:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cpetersky/Welcome.htm
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  #2  
Old June 11th 04, 02:28 AM
Mike Kruger
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

"Claire Petersky" wrote in message
news:yV6yc.1963$zz.1825@attbi_s04...

My husband's in school these days, and this week and next week are the
end-of-the-quarter break.


There's some little Peterskys wandering around as well, IIRC. Priorities
abound.

A few weeks ago I had a sort of come-to-Jesus
conversation with him about how he needed to really use the break to pour

on
the miles if he really wanted to do Flying Wheels and RSVP with me. Like

30+
miles every day, to get himself up to where Flying Wheels (much less RSVP)
are conceivable.


Nagging (I mean encouraging) my spouse to ride has been a dismal failure in
my household. Your mileage may vary.


So, here are my choices:


That should be "our choices".

I'd say if he's interested in doing (b) the tandem 70, do that. If not, then
(d) do what you want, and let him do what he wants. Evaluate the RSVP ride
afterwards.



  #3  
Old June 11th 04, 03:29 AM
Tom Keats
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

In article yV6yc.1963$zz.1825@attbi_s04,
"Claire Petersky" writes:
OK, here's the deal.


OK, I admit don't have the attention span right now to fully
comprehend the problem with which you are wrestling, but here's
how I intuit it:

When people list choices: a, b, c, and d, they usually go
from least to most desirable. And also, from least to most
guilt-ridden. So I figure your choice a) would leave you
least guilt-ridden, but also least personally fulfilled.
In the same vein, your choice d) would be the reverse.

So choice a) would leave you feeling ripped-off, while choice d)
would leave you feeling selfish. Either way you lose enjoyment,
so let's rule those out altogether. That narrows your choices
down to the (probable) in-between compromises of b) and c).

If before the ride, your husband does anything that especially
endears you to him, pick b).

If he does anything that annoys you, pick c).

If he does neither, pick b-&-a-half (whatever that might be).

Aw, to heck with it. Pick d) and make it up to him later.
Screw compromises. They never work as intended anyways.


cheers,
Tom

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  #4  
Old June 11th 04, 04:33 AM
Claire Petersky
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Default Longer rides not with husband?


"Mike Kruger" wrote in message
s.com...
"Claire Petersky" wrote in message
news:yV6yc.1963$zz.1825@attbi_s04...

My husband's in school these days, and this week and next week are the
end-of-the-quarter break.


There's some little Peterskys wandering around as well, IIRC. Priorities
abound.


Gotta talk to my mom about looking after the kids while we're riding, thanks
for reminding me. I've already recruited them for RSVP.

That should be "our choices".


heh.

Evaluate the RSVP ride
afterwards.


Yeah. One of my thoughts is that the kids will be in a drama production the
two weeks before RSVP, so he'll have another opportunity to do extra riding,
while they're in rehearsal. He still has a chance of doing the necessary
training. August is still a ways off.

"Tom Keats" wrote in message
...

Aw, to heck with it. Pick d) and make it up to him later.
Screw compromises. They never work as intended anyways.


LOL!

I've been thinking about it, and the 70 mile tandem thing sounds like the
most fun. We just have to do one or two longer rides on the thing so we both
are more comfortable with it as a possibility. I'll talk to him this
evening, see what he's thinking.


--
Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
Please replace earthlink for mouse-potato and .net for .com
Home of the meditative cyclist:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cpetersky/Welcome.htm
See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky


  #5  
Old June 11th 04, 07:40 AM
Hunrobe
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

Both Mike and Tom offered solid advice. I'd only add that Mike is 100% right-
encouraging one's spouse often sounds like nagging. It used to take my wife
about 25 miles or so before she would tell me that my encouraging, "Pedal,
dammit! Pedal!", wasn't inspiring her but hey.... once I learned it failed to
inspire I stopped saying it so give me a *little* credit. g
Tom's right as well. If you change your plans to accommodate your husband's
lack of saddle time you'll be unhappy and he'll feel guilty. If you don't,
he'll be unhappy and *you* will feel guilty. Compromise will just make both of
you unhappy and guilt ridden. If I found my wife and myself in the situation
you describe I think I'd just stick with my original plan and do the longer
ride solo. I'd deal with the guilt later.

Regards,
Bob Hunt


  #6  
Old June 11th 04, 07:52 AM
Badger_South
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

On Fri, 11 Jun 2004 03:33:50 GMT, "Claire Petersky"
wrote:


Yeah. One of my thoughts is that the kids will be in a drama production the
two weeks before RSVP, so he'll have another opportunity to do extra riding,
while they're in rehearsal. He still has a chance of doing the necessary
training. August is still a ways off.


August!? That's over 60 training days and 600miles!! No problem.

-B
Let us know how the ride goes, details, we want details. ;-p

  #8  
Old June 11th 04, 02:51 PM
Denver C. Fox
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

Another viewpoint:

I compromise (or downgrade) my riding when necessary order to have the
opportunity to ride together with my wife.

I cherish those moments. I don't always know just how many more we will have.
Things happen, and we are in our 60's. They are more important to me than
being able to say I rode xxx miles or whatever.

Perhaps this does not apply to your situation??

Each marriage finds their own way. Good luck.


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  #9  
Old June 11th 04, 03:03 PM
whinds
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Default Longer rides not with husband?

In article , David Kerber
writes:


d. Just do the Flying Wheels full 100 mile loop, and not worry about him at
all. I have friends I can ride with, let him register and get himself down
there to ride, even if it's later in the morning, if that's what he wants

to
do.


This is the option I'd recommend. He's a big boy and should be able to
take care of himself. Maybe it will be a wakeup call for him to get on
the stick for the bigger ride later on.


I agree with this answer, Claire. Was the significant other in a coma? I'm
confident he knows the drill. Sometimes we put off getting ready for an event
because of outside pressures or we don't really want to participate. Why not
provide support for you the first ride and then both participate in the big
one? I'm volunteering for a ultra-marathon this weekend because I just didn't
motivate myself enough to prepare. It's minimal participation but it alleviates
some of the guilt by providing support for unknown riders. By him providing
support for your ride he is recognizing your goals and giving him extra time to
prepare for the harder one.

On the road ahead the ride is good.
Bill
 




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