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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
The Long awaited 2004 DARWIN AWARDS..............
Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. So, the nominees this year in reverse order a 6. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. 5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. 4. A 22-year-old,Glade Drive, Reston,VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee-jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped, and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground, "Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma." 3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized. 2. Employees in a medium-size warehouse in West Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. His peers had never thought of the technician suspected of causing the blast as "bright". AND THE WINNER IS.... 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball-washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, wedging it solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for him, the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall. One testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining, er, members of the threesome were asked to leave the course. This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it. |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
Ambrose Nankivell wrote:
How about having Darwin Awards for the person who contributes to the gene pool in the most significant way, i.e. stupendously successful people who manage to have lots of well adjusted children who contribute to human endeavour in the most positive way? After all, that's a bigger bonus to society than all the attendant costs of losing people to pointless accidents. Yeah, and people would prefer to read about that... -- Mark. |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
Mark Tranchant writes:
Ambrose Nankivell wrote: How about having Darwin Awards for the person who contributes to the gene pool in the most significant way, i.e. stupendously successful people who manage to have lots of well adjusted children who contribute to human endeavour in the most positive way? After all, that's a bigger bonus to society than all the attendant costs of losing people to pointless accidents. Yeah, and people would prefer to read about that... Of course not. But the vicious smugness of the current Darwin Awards really annoys me. A |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
MartinM popped their head over the parapet saw what was going on and
said The Long awaited 2004 DARWIN AWARDS.............. Yes, these are all true AND THE WINNER IS.... 1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball-washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, snip word for word tale of woe Probably not true. http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/ballwash.htm -- yours S addy not usable (not that you would try it) Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
Probably not true.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/follies/ballwash.htm While we're at it I read the lighter one several years ago, possibly in the Fortean Times Strange Deaths column, so I doubt that's true either. I always wondered who it was in the building that saw him get the lighter out of his pocket. |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
In message 57, Mark
Thompson writes Probably not true. While we're at it I read the lighter one several years ago, possibly in the Fortean Times Strange Deaths column, so I doubt that's true either. I always wondered who it was in the building that saw him get the lighter out of his pocket. Explosions can have odd damage patterns. During the First World War, in a munitions factory at Limehouse in East London [1] a foreman saw a workman using a cold chisel to scrape spilt nitroglycerine off the concrete floor. This was so dangerous that the shocked foreman sacked the worker on the spot. The worker reacted by throwing the chisel into the pool of nitroglycerine, causing an explosion that was still London folklore in the 1980s. The witness who watched this was standing in the doorway of the shed; he was blown an impressive distance by the blast but escaped serious injury. My grandmother heard and felt the explosion from the City, and she said it seemed much nearer than it was. Also Google for details of the Soham explosion (more munitions, this time in a burning train in WW2) where a witness survived. [1] Limehouse still looked blast-flattened when I last saw it. -- Sue ];( |
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OT Humour - Darwin Awards
Upon the miasma of midnight, a darkling spirit identified as Sue
breathed: In message 57, Mark Thompson writes Probably not true. While we're at it I read the lighter one several years ago, possibly in the Fortean Times Strange Deaths column, so I doubt that's true either. I always wondered who it was in the building that saw him get the lighter out of his pocket. Explosions can have odd damage patterns. snip Indeed. IIRC when a petrol tanker exploded on (I think) a coast road in the Algarve, right beside a holiday park, in one case a large motor caravan and all its occupants were reduced to ash yet a caged bird which had been next to the caravan escaped unscathed. -- - Pyromancer. - http://www.inkubus-sukkubus.co.uk -- Pagan Gothic Rock! - http://www.littlematchgirl.co.uk -- Electronic Metal! - http://www.revival.stormshadow.com -- The Gothic Revival. |
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