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For the Record, the Final Report: The Case for a MandatoryShoulder-Mount Head-Grid in the USA



 
 
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Old August 30th 10, 05:00 PM posted to rec.bicycles.tech,rec.bicycles.soc,rec.bicycles.misc,rec.bicycles.racing,rec.bicycles.rides
Andre Jute[_2_]
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Default For the Record, the Final Report: The Case for a MandatoryShoulder-Mount Head-Grid in the USA

Rolling on the floor laughing out loud.

Andre Jute
"Not only people, but apply it to cyclists too!" --Nexus7


On Aug 30, 2:50*pm, Nexus7 wrote:
I think right up front we need to make the case that even though the
United States of America is the bastion of freedom and gratuitous
owning of firearms, we should, on moral and statistical grounds,
mandate shoulder-mounted head grids. We need to do this because, as is
the precedent in similar postings in r.b.t. (even though they may be
based on shaky statistical grounds), we must begin by wrapping
ourselves in the flag and calling out the soft socialism and
collectivism of the Europeans and Japanese.

We will not however present statistics on how safe bicycling is simply
to make up our word count, and also because you kids can these days
conduct the process known as "the Google." Even though precedent
exists to present statistics that are only peripherally relevant.

Now then it is clear that a shoulder-mounted grid of light aluminum of
other light gage ductile metal is a far better safety device for the
skull crushing impacts that bicyclist are liable encounter in such
barbaric outposts as NYC. We know of such impacts because there are
studies which count them, even though they don't account for mis-
reporting of safety device usage in incidents involving personal
injuries. But I think we can all agree that the upper body,
particularly the shoulder region, is much better suited to dissipating
impacts than the spine and soft brain tissue. As a matter of fact, in
accidents involving head injuries, there are at least 2 impacts, one
involving the skull hitting unpaved NYC pavement, and the second
involving soft brain tissue hitting the skull. I haven't seen this
myself, however I've personally seen books with pictures of brain soft
tissue at the bookstore. You might have seen bookstores in NYC or
other places such as California, where people die at much lower rates
in head-case bicycle accidents even though they don't wear safety
devices with styrofoam.

Clearly then, it is upon us to mandate shoulder devices that route
impact forces away from the heads of little children. Statistically
speaking, over 100% of accidents would not harm the head at all,
unless it involved posts of tall fences which would go through the
grid. But aside from that guy on YouTube who rides on fences, how many
heads would greet a fence post in this fashion? Statistically 0%, or,
in NYC, 3%. In fact, in what would otherwise be a brain jelly
situation, you, or little children who eat apple pies made by their
moms, would feel no more an impact than when you shake your head after
a shower.

Yes, let us set a shining example to the trammeled and constricted
consumerists on the other sides of the Atlantic and Pacific. People
who don't wear shoulder-mount head-grids are clearly stupid, but we
need to apply the full force of the law to save their precious heads
anyway. Not only people, but apply it to cyclists too! You might doubt
that such a grid would prevent 100% (97% in NYC) of head injuries; but
even if it prevents at a marginal rate of 1%, that is reason enough.


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