What would a 2006 Schwinn Varsity look like (if done right)?

The Schwinn Varsity discussion got me thinking -

What would a 2006 Schwinn Varsity look like?

I imagine the perfect college bike for four years of an awesome college
life, with a little flexibility for life beyond. Almost like a Surly
Cross-Check but even more versatile.

Frame would be steel, natch. It would have DOUBLE eyelets on the fork
and dropouts - strong enough to carry lots of beer on the rack, with
fenders. Cyclocross geometry. Wide fork for wide tires.

Components would be super simple and rugged, because they'll be left
out in the rain and snow. Shimano SORA brifters or bar-ends. Last
year's cheapo cassettes. Whatever headset can take the most damage.
Generic canti or V-brakes (for fenders, of course). Flared road bars.
Hybridized half-trail tires.

Weather-resistant cork wrap that matches the frame color.
Metallized-flake paint. Platform pedals. Rack included.

I'm talking about the modern, simple interpretation of a bike-boom
10-speed: simple, reliable, heavy. You can pull off a college-poor tour
on the cheap. Pop off to the lacrosse field with your honey and throw
the bike on the ground next to the blanket. Throw your backpack in a
milk crate tied to the rack and get to class late. Wobble home
hungover. Get beer. Get groceries. Get laid.

And there is a certain level of cool inherent to a bike that useful.
It's like the Scion - not about the content, it's about the marketing.
Provide basic no-frills value with no pretention, and walk away.