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What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??



 
 
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  #1  
Old August 20th 07, 04:52 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Prisoner at War
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Posts: 296
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??


Hey, Y'All:

I don't think there's a "serious" cyclist (centuries are nothing -- or
at least if they have rest stops every twenty-five miles) who hasn't
had a bike stolen from him or her. Right?

So we must all fantasize about what to do if we ever catch someone in
the act of stealing our beloved bicycles. But what would you do,
exactly?

I've always picture some scruffy young punk, whom I'd have to fight or
wrestle. I've always figured on different contexts and scenarios --
nighttime, witnesses, cohorts, etc. -- and have rehearsed various
strategies and tactics in my mind, with the caveat that any plan goes
out the window within three minutes of war....

So yesterday as I'm getting ready to leave a favorite restaurant, just
before paying, I see my bike walking away! There's a nice big bay
window and I have a good vantage point and am not far from the door,
so I'd left my bike upside down (on the hardest to peddle gears, too
[BTW, would that be high-gear or low??), since my lock had broken and
I hadn't figured on being hungry...so anyway, I never let the bike out
of my sight during all the time I'm eating -- and I've done this many
times before, at this place and else where, to no incident -- but as
I'm ready to leave I see my bike magically walking off!

I walk briskly out the door right into the little man walking my
bike! And it so shocked me that this was some little almost-middle-
aged (early forties?) Chinese guy with glasses! Some Third World FOB-
type munchkin! I was outraged but much more shocked, such that my
anger was practically canceled out!

I asked him something like "WTF are you doing?" and chink-chong goes
something like, "oh, this bike wasn't locked" so I'm like "So you
****ing take it?!?!?" and chink-chong says "solly, solly" and walks
away quickly (as I'd grabbed the bike by now)!

I don't know why, but I'd wanted to pay my restaurant bill right away,
lest it looks like I'm not going to do it (even though, duh, like I
said, it's an old favorite and they know me there), so I didn't give
chase. Later on, I'd caught up with the chink-chong-man-boy ('cause
he's so short and has a boyish face under the U.S. Army field cap!)
and he just goes "solly, boss, okay," smiling that embarrassed, but
slightly greasy-feeling Chinese smile (I'm Chinese so I know about
these things), the kind that says, haha, you got me, nice game....

By then I was not angry anymore, just annoyed. Now is that ****ing
weird or what? I'd always thought I'd knee some spigger in the nose,
but instead it turns out to be a short bespectacled chink FOB!! And I
was actually at a loss as to what to do...I didn't feel like striking
him at the time, though of course thinking back I'm angry at the sheer
audacity of this little Third World street scum (probably illegal too,
****ing little gook).

So what would you do if you caught a bike thief? Funny, but the one
thing I'd never ever factored into my calculations was the possibility
that I wouldn't be murderously angry! I absolutely can't believe it.

(What's even more funny -- from a human psychology POV -- is that
later on in the day I totally blew up at my landlord, who started
arguing with me about a little unimportant matter relating to his
building, telling him to go **** himself!)

Ads
  #2  
Old August 20th 07, 05:09 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
AustinMN
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Posts: 129
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

On Aug 20, 10:52 am, Prisoner at War
wrote:
So we must all fantasize about what to do if we ever catch someone in
the act of stealing our beloved bicycles. But what would you do,
exactly?


Ding...ding...troll-o-meter is rising...

snip

I walk briskly out the door right into the little man walking my
bike! And it so shocked me that this was some little almost-middle-
aged (early forties?) Chinese guy with glasses! Some Third World FOB-
type munchkin!


Troll-o-meter is really buzzing...

I asked him something like "WTF are you doing?" and chink-chong goes
something like, "oh, this bike wasn't locked" so I'm like "So you
****ing take it?!?!?" and chink-chong says "solly, solly" and walks
away quickly (as I'd grabbed the bike by now)!


Full alarm.

Incident may have happened, but selection of vocabulary is intended to
inflame. Have a nice day.

Austin

  #3  
Old August 20th 07, 08:39 PM posted to alt.revenge,nyc.bicycles,nyc.general,rec.bicycles.misc
Zen Cohen
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Posts: 30
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??


"AustinMN" wrote in message ...
On Aug 20, 10:52 am, Prisoner at War
wrote:
So we must all fantasize about what to do if we ever catch someone in
the act of stealing our beloved bicycles. But what would you do,
exactly?


Ding...ding...troll-o-meter is rising...

snip

I walk briskly out the door right into the little man walking my
bike! And it so shocked me that this was some little almost-middle-
aged (early forties?) Chinese guy with glasses! Some Third World FOB-
type munchkin!


Troll-o-meter is really buzzing...

I asked him something like "WTF are you doing?" and chink-chong goes
something like, "oh, this bike wasn't locked" so I'm like "So you
****ing take it?!?!?" and chink-chong says "solly, solly" and walks
away quickly (as I'd grabbed the bike by now)!


Full alarm.

Incident may have happened, but selection of vocabulary is intended to
inflame. Have a nice day.


This is typical of his posts to misc.fitness.weights. The words are
inflammatory but I don't think there's a troll-like intent to inflame. He's
abrasive and offensive, but just competely clueless about it.


  #4  
Old August 20th 07, 08:40 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Leo Lichtman
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Posts: 767
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??


"Prisoner at War" wrote: (clip) chink-chong goes
something like, "oh, this bike wasn't locked" (clip) he just goes "solly,
boss, okay," smiling that embarrassed, but slightly greasy-feeling Chinese
smile (I'm Chinese so I know about these things), (clip)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You're too stupid to write fiction. I'm Chinese too, and so is my neighbor,
Jose Gonzales, and my other neighbor, Hans Schmidt.


  #5  
Old August 26th 07, 06:16 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Marc Wigle
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Posts: 2
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

"Leo Lichtman" wrote in message
...

"Prisoner at War" wrote: (clip) chink-chong goes
something like, "oh, this bike wasn't locked" (clip) he just goes "solly,
boss, okay," smiling that embarrassed, but slightly greasy-feeling
Chinese smile (I'm Chinese so I know about these things), (clip)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You're too stupid to write fiction. I'm Chinese too, and so is my
neighbor, Jose Gonzales, and my other neighbor, Hans Schmidt.


I don't think your Chinese... I think you made that up. And Hans Schmidt is
Chinese??!! No frigging way!! And I know Jose and he ain't Chinese.


  #6  
Old August 26th 07, 06:24 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Marc Wigle
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Posts: 2
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

"Prisoner at War" wrote in message
ups.com...

Hey, Y'All:


You're from Brooklyn... right?


I don't know why, but I'd wanted to pay my restaurant bill right away,
lest it looks like I'm not going to do it (even though, duh, like I
said, it's an old favorite and they know me there), so I didn't give
chase. Later on, I'd caught up with the chink-chong-man-boy ('cause
he's so short and has a boyish face under the U.S. Army field cap!)
and he just goes "solly, boss, okay," smiling that embarrassed, but
slightly greasy-feeling Chinese smile (I'm Chinese so I know about
these things), the kind that says, haha, you got me, nice game....


You're Chinese? Really? You just sound like a dork.

So what would you do if you caught a bike thief? Funny, but the one
thing I'd never ever factored into my calculations was the possibility
that I wouldn't be murderously angry! I absolutely can't believe it.


You were thinking about murdering someone cause they stole your bike?? I can
just see you in Sing Sing when Brutus asks you what you're in for... "I
killed a guy cause he stole my Sears' 10 speed..." You'll be at the top of
the prison hierarchy for sure.


(What's even more funny -- from a human psychology POV -- is that
later on in the day I totally blew up at my landlord, who started
arguing with me about a little unimportant matter relating to his
building, telling him to go **** himself!)


Not paying your rent on time again? You're right, that "a little unimportant
matter".

Why don't you go adust your training wheels and ask mommy to watch you ride
your bike... dumbass.



  #7  
Old August 26th 07, 07:27 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Michael Snyder
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Posts: 1
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle and a Fish?


Need them as much as a feminist needs a...



  #8  
Old August 26th 07, 10:01 PM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Tom Keats
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Posts: 3,193
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

In article ,
"Marc Wigle" writes:
"Prisoner at War" wrote in message
ups.com...

Hey, Y'All:


You're from Brooklyn... right?


It sounded a little put-on, South Carolina/Andy Griffith/Goober
to me.

I don't know why, but I'd wanted to pay my restaurant bill right away,
lest it looks like I'm not going to do it (even though, duh, like I
said, it's an old favorite and they know me there), so I didn't give
chase. Later on, I'd caught up with the chink-chong-man-boy ('cause
he's so short and has a boyish face under the U.S. Army field cap!)
and he just goes "solly, boss, okay," smiling that embarrassed, but
slightly greasy-feeling Chinese smile (I'm Chinese so I know about
these things), the kind that says, haha, you got me, nice game....


You're Chinese? Really? You just sound like a dork.


I'm a little bit partly Chinese myself. Not enough to
show very much, but the DNA is there. Culturally I'm
just a Vancouver East Ender.

So what would you do if you caught a bike thief?


This actually is an interesting question, but I'd
expand it to: "What would be an appropriate punishment &
rehab for a bike thief?"

Bearing in mind, some thieves steal the bike in order
to having something to ride, some to sell the whole
bike for crack money, and some for the metal (to sell
for crack money.) So in some cases the question becomes:
"What do you do with a desperate crackhead?" And in
some cases the question becomes: "Whaddaya do about a
poor bugger who needs a bike?"

Being a victim of bike theft is horrible, and can leave
one with all sorts of bitter feelings and revenge fantasies
about hanging bike thieves by their thumbs from telephone poles,
with "Bike Theef" signs hung around their necks. But that's
way too overboard.

I think a lot of bike thieves could benefit from being
sent to work camp or Outward Bound for a while, out in
the wilderness where there are no bikes to steal, and
no crack. Maybe a little mj or some really good,
unadulterated hash, just to tide them over. Or put
them to work building a boat.

I opine a lot of criminal behaviour stems from crooks
never having had the opportunity to enjoy the pleasurable
aspects of creativity, so they have an ignorance of appreciation
for creativity. Doing creative & constructive work where
tangible results of which one can be proud are obtained, is a
great educator. Kinda like Bridge on the River Kwai.

To a bike thief, a bike is a mere chattle. To the
bike owner, however, the bike is so much more.
Bike thieves need to learn the true extents & natures
of their offenses. Even if has to be pounded into 'em
through their thick skulls. In a humanity-loving manner,
of course.

In the long run, I guess as long as there are bikes,
there'll be people to steal 'em. Life goes on. Oh, well.


cheers,
Tom

--
Nothing is safe from me.
I'm really at:
tkeats curlicue vcn dot bc dot ca
  #9  
Old August 27th 07, 03:15 AM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
[email protected]
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Posts: 1
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

On Sun, 26 Aug 2007 14:01:33 -0700, (Tom Keats)
wrote:

In the long run, I guess as long as there are bikes,
there'll be people to steal 'em. Life goes on. Oh, well.



Blacks will steal them. Jews will try to negotiate a deal.
  #10  
Old August 27th 07, 04:06 AM posted to nyc.bicycles,rec.bicycles.misc,nyc.general,alt.true-crime,alt.revenge
Kenny
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Posts: 206
Default What Would You Do With A Bicycle Thief??

If I saw a bike turned upside down and unlocked my first impression
would be that this bike has been abandoned. A friend of mine (a
Catholic Priest) once saw a cheap-o mtb with the seat post missing. He
thought the bike was abandoned so he took the bike home. He found out
later that the bike belonged to someone and that the missing seat post
was an anti-theft measure. Now, if I caught someone using bolt cutters
on my lock.......


 




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