Ode to the puncture gods

Oh puncture gods why have you forsaken me
Surely your wrath is sufficient for commuting days three

Flat tyre one, of gigantic proportions
Scared the rowing girls into great screams and contortions
The bang was so loud sent them all into fits
And blew my rear tyre, clean into bits
A long trek gave me blisters on both heels and one thumb
Returned to find my bike pump stolen by skateboarding scum
The kind souls at Peter Moore saved the day
On an old tyre slowly continued home on my way

Day two saw me stranded again on Southbank
Cursing the puncture gods, giving no thanks
An old tube, twice patched, at last had decayed
Two days in a row commuting left me waylaid
Mini-pump gave no pressure, my anger was sore
Thank god once again, a short ride to Peter Moore

Day three of commuting no thoughts of more trouble
How quickly the puncture goods would burst that bubble
Swearing and cursing and heaving a great sigh
See a flat tyre I arrive at work crying "Why God Why?"
Change the tyre after work, new pump works a trick
After plenty of practice I change tubes quite quick

Into the hot afternoon, say "These things come in threes"
But at Kew junction from the tyre hear a terrible wheeze
Surely I must be due one good break
But looking down at the tyre, cry FFS
Had enough by now, the bike ambulance I call
A slow trip home has now completely stalled
With time to wait, in the tyre what do I see
Not one piece of glass, not two, but three

It is true on occasion, the puncture gods I have taunted
But karma has struck and now I am haunted
Bike ambulance fees are becoming too high
My wife has threatened end of commuting is nigh
I promise in my worship I never will falter
And weekly sacrifice new tubes, in my shed, on an altar.

DaveB

DaveB Wrote:
Oh puncture gods why have you forsaken m
Surely your wrath is sufficient for commuting days thre

Flat tyre one, of gigantic proportion
Scared the rowing girls into great screams and contortion
The bang was so loud sent them all into fit
And blew my rear tyre, clean into bit
A long trek gave me blisters on both heels and one thum
Returned to find my bike pump stolen by skateboarding scu
The kind souls at Peter Moore saved the da
On an old tyre slowly continued home on my wa

Day two saw me stranded again on Southban
Cursing the puncture gods, giving no thank
An old tube, twice patched, at last had decaye
Two days in a row commuting left me waylai
Mini-pump gave no pressure, my anger was sor
Thank god once again, a short ride to Peter Moor

Day three of commuting no thoughts of more troubl
How quickly the puncture goods would burst that bubbl
Swearing and cursing and heaving a great sig
See a flat tyre I arrive at work crying "Why God Why?
Change the tyre after work, new pump works a tric
After plenty of practice I change tubes quite quic

Into the hot afternoon, say "These things come in threes
But at Kew junction from the tyre hear a terrible wheez
Surely I must be due one good brea
But looking down at the tyre, cry FF
Had enough by now, the bike ambulance I cal
A slow trip home has now completely stalle
With time to wait, in the tyre what do I se
Not one piece of glass, not two, but thre

It is true on occasion, the puncture gods I have taunte
But karma has struck and now I am haunte
Bike ambulance fees are becoming too hig
My wife has threatened end of commuting is nig
I promise in my worship I never will falte
And weekly sacrifice new tubes, in my shed, on an altar

DaveB
it helps to be able to visualize one's enemy

http://home.iprimus.com.au/adenhollander/pf_1.gi

--
flyingdutc

DaveB wrote:
snip

hehe nice work Dave..

Perhaps you should keep an eye out for glass in your path?
Swap your tyres for some bullet-proof ones? Solid?
Hopefully with the tyre sacrifices you are making now, you will have
plenty of puncture free commuting in the future..

hippy

DaveB wrote:
Oh puncture gods why have you forsaken me
Surely your wrath is sufficient for commuting days three

Flat tyre one, of gigantic proportions
Scared the rowing girls into great screams and contortions
The bang was so loud sent them all into fits
And blew my rear tyre, clean into bits
A long trek gave me blisters on both heels and one thumb
Returned to find my bike pump stolen by skateboarding scum
The kind souls at Peter Moore saved the day
On an old tyre slowly continued home on my way

Day two saw me stranded again on Southbank
Cursing the puncture gods, giving no thanks
An old tube, twice patched, at last had decayed
Two days in a row commuting left me waylaid
Mini-pump gave no pressure, my anger was sore
Thank god once again, a short ride to Peter Moore

Day three of commuting no thoughts of more trouble
How quickly the puncture goods would burst that bubble
Swearing and cursing and heaving a great sigh
See a flat tyre I arrive at work crying "Why God Why?"
Change the tyre after work, new pump works a trick
After plenty of practice I change tubes quite quick

Into the hot afternoon, say "These things come in threes"
But at Kew junction from the tyre hear a terrible wheeze
Surely I must be due one good break
But looking down at the tyre, cry FFS
Had enough by now, the bike ambulance I call
A slow trip home has now completely stalled
With time to wait, in the tyre what do I see
Not one piece of glass, not two, but three

It is true on occasion, the puncture gods I have taunted
But karma has struck and now I am haunted
Bike ambulance fees are becoming too high
My wife has threatened end of commuting is nigh
I promise in my worship I never will falter
And weekly sacrifice new tubes, in my shed, on an altar.

DaveB

Greetings,
This sounds familiar. Once, many years ago, I wrote an article
called `Like to see my Flat?' along much the same lines. I pulled
am embedded piece of glass out of my rear tyre last week before it
got to the tube, which is a clear sign the tyre is softening and I
need a new one. I have had two valves rip out of the tubes in the
past 14 months as well. C'est la vie. Invent something that
doesn't go flat with the resilence and other qualities of a
pneumatic tyre and we'll be interested.
Regards,
Ray.

hippy wrote:
DaveB wrote:
snip

hehe nice work Dave..

Perhaps you should keep an eye out for glass in your path?

Yeah I generally do but coming up to Kew junction gets a little tight
with the traffic so I tend to watch the cars more than the road. Even
then glass usually stands out coz it is usually quite a few pieces
together.

DaveB "enjoying a day at home"