How NOT to unicycle : A Helpful Guide

I, UnicyclistJoe, thought I might enlighten the masses with a handy
piece on how unicycling should -not- be executed. Feel free to follow
along with my step-by-step instructions.

1. Select a likely looking log on the waterfront.

2. Survey the log, checking for bumps and dips that could potentially
throw you off.

3. Climb onto one end of log, put unicycle underneath you and proceed to
focus mentally.

4. Once focused mentally, mount your trusty unicycle.

5. Ride forwards slowly, keeping your balance and using your arms to
control side to side leaning.

6. Halfway along, start to swerve slightly from side to side.

7. Get to the stage where you don't like what's going on, so you decide
to dismount.

8. Dismount, and try to grab your unicycle.

9. Miss your unicycle, then turn around to watch it tumble in slow
motion over the 3M drop into the harbour (next to your carefully
selected log).

10. -Panic- and then breathe a sigh of relief as it floats.

11. Start removing clothes and shoes and protective gear.

12. Remember that you have a paralysing fear about jumping into water
from above a few metres. Pull the fingers at the people hassling you.

13. Climb onto a nearby barge, and leap into water. On impact, realise
how -damned- cold it is. Gasp a few times.

14. Swim & retrieve unicycle.

15. Clamber up side of barge, dripping and freezing. Be sure to parade
around in the sun in your wet undergarments.

16. Put clothes back on, and ride home dripping. Smile when people stare
at the wet patch on your ass and crotch areas.

Hey presto...how not to unicycle....

[image: http://joe.urbandarling.com/collage.jpg]


--
unicyclistjoe - Wellington's Best Trials Unicyclist

I am very clever and handsome
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priceless


--
Chrashing - Just Lucky

Regards,
Ken
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I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends up
in in the water:

"Darn, I just pulled a Joe."


--
UniBrier - Its Time to Ride

Steve DeKoekkoek

Hop Drop & Roll



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What a beautifully written account. Our awkward failures are the ones we
would sometimes most like to see on video. We only get to describe them
in words. Thanks.


--
harper - TANKED at GASWORKS

-Greg Harper

B L U E S H I F T

"My world view has come crashing down like a drunk clown on a giraffe,
riding through a cactus patch..." -evil-nick on "Entry of the
Gladiators"
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u, sir, are truly the Mikefule of falling off a log

thanx for sharing


--
GILD - Waffle-Tosser and Time-bider

if you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.--
'alice' (http://tinyurl.com/dt7ye) 'roosevelt'
(http://tinyurl.com/5ngze) longworth
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.-- William H.
Mauldin
...using nietzsche's metaphysics to escape from
christianity...-'metro_tramp on the value of metaphysics'
(http://tinyurl.com/4sjw6)-
it's hard to be sure, and good to be paranoid...john childs on life on
the internet
'NAMASTE!' (http://tinyurl.com/4qcxw)
'Dave' (http://tinyurl.com/ywxgb)
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UniBrier wrote:
*I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends
up in in the water:

"Darn, I just pulled a Joe." *


Instead of UPD we could call it UPS for UnPlanned Splash.

I am impressed with how well a unicycle floats.

Certainly a funny experience.


--
mucRider - From the Over 50 Group

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary
and those who don't.
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A superb account from the poster with the sig:

"I am very clever and handsome"

Thanks, Joe!


--
s7ev0 - ************


We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there
were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was
to blame but us. Remember accidents? ~ GILD
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That high volume tire looks like it does float well!

I bet that surly tire on a large marge rim could ride on top of the
water.

Nice story, pics are good.


--
Bob22b - MCL Tearer :d
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UniBrier wrote:
*I can hear it now, henceforth, whenever a unicycle unintendely ends
up in in the water:

"Darn, I just pulled a Joe." *


Umm...


--
weeble - There can be only one... wheel


==============
Another Joe in MN
Level 2 and holding
==============


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ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha hahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahah ahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaha hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhaahhah ahahahahhahahahaha


--
pete66 - Level 4 Unicyclist
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