Crush

QUOTE:
It’s time to go for a ride, actually it was time to go for a ride
about half an hour ago, but I’ve only now finished procrastinating.
Just answered those e-mails, just done that little bit of washing up,
had another coffee, just played with the cat, just taken the t-shirts
off the washing line, folded socks, just checked e-mail, just, just,
just…. Anything but ride.

I sit dressed and about to click my shoes on, but I stare at them with
something that’s not quite revulsion, I’m slightly chilly with a thin
miasma of nervous sweat, and my tummy feels awkward. I’m going for a
ride on my own and I’m scared. It’s been like this since I can
remember. I’m just going for a ride on my own and I’m dreading it.

Just a ride, no pressure, no training, no intervals, no targets, no
timings, no placings, no podiums, no medals - just a ride. A bimble on
my own, riding bikes is fun, no-one to see anything, no-one to judge,
except me. This sticks me to the sofa feeling slightly sick.

It’s different to race nerves. Completely. In a race there’s probably
going to be someone I can beat, and I can gracefully accept being
beaten, as I will have done my best but they are simply better. Race
nerves are the anticipatory worry of wondering if all that’s gone
before has been enough. Pre-ride nerves are nothing but that
anticipation, just that on its own.

On a solo ride I only have myself to beat, all that time to wonder if
I am enough. And in the same way I am happy to go riding with friends,
some will be slower than me, some will be faster and better than I,
and riding with the latter will punch me in the thighs and push me to
ride my bike more.

Which is where I find myself now, motionless on the sofa, all dressed
up and not wanting to go. I know that this dread feeling is usually
gone by the first corner - I’m on my bike, I’ve settled into the
saddle, it’s all fun. Lalalalalalalala. Sometimes it’s self-harming
for an hour or so until my body has warmed up and my brain has calmed
down, and I only feel relaxed and almost happy once I’ve climbed a
hill to some satisfactory self-imposed standard or done a bit of up to
par rouleuring.

Once in a while it never leaves and the entire ride is an exercise in
anxiety and loathing, when only trying to go faster and increasing the
pain will slow the downward spiral enough and groveling up the last
hill of the day is an demonstration of self-fulfilling prophecy.

It’s time to go for a ride against my toughest opponent.

http://road.cc/content/blog/55733-crush

--
Simon Mason

On Tue, 27 Mar 2012 03:34:33 -0700 (PDT), Simon Mason
wrote:

Once in a while it never leaves and the entire ride is an exercise in
anxiety and loathing, when only trying to go faster and increasing the
pain will slow the downward spiral enough and groveling up the last
hill of the day is an demonstration of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Is it any wonder bicycle riding will never be an interest for other
than a few masochists?

On Mar 27, 3:46*pm, Peter Parry wrote:
On Tue, 27 Mar 2012 03:34:33 -0700 (PDT), Simon Mason

wrote:
Once in a while it never leaves and the entire ride is an exercise in
anxiety and loathing, when only trying to go faster and increasing the
pain will slow the downward spiral enough and groveling up the last
hill of the day is an demonstration of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Is it any wonder bicycle riding will never be an interest for other
than a few masochists?

You must get out and about in Amsterdam more and keep out of those
dodgy sex clubs :-)
You'll see just how popular cycling can be.

--
Simon Mason

On Tue, 27 Mar 2012 08:33:42 -0700 (PDT), Simon Mason
wrote:

You must get out and about in Amsterdam more and keep out of those
dodgy sex clubs :-)
You'll see just how popular cycling can be.

The day someone runs a grader over the UK and makes it as flat as the
Netherlands you may see the same here.

Peter Parry wrote:

On Tue, 27 Mar 2012 03:34:33 -0700 (PDT), Simon Mason
wrote:

Once in a while it never leaves and the entire ride is an exercise in
anxiety and loathing, when only trying to go faster and increasing the
pain will slow the downward spiral enough and groveling up the last
hill of the day is an demonstration of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Is it any wonder bicycle riding will never be an interest for other
than a few masochists?

evidence would seem to disagree with you, in that it's a growing leisure
activity. plus growing numbers of comuters.

road racers and wanabe go for Manashist tendancys MTBers and others
don't tend to be so inclinded.

Roger