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Adventures in cheap



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 26th 03, 08:36 PM
Werehatrack
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Default Adventures in cheap

So, OK, I'm in one of the local Mall-Warts this morning, and there's
this 26" front-suspension MTB with a "clearance" tag marked $30.
There's another one just like it on the rack at full price, so I look
closer; yep, obviously a customer return, as it has plenty of pad
scrapes on the rims and a little bit of unwashed dirt on the kickstand
clamp.

"So", I sez to myself (quietly, lest people realize that I'm a little
off), "what's so wrong with this one that a customer tossed it back,
and why do they want to mark it down to such a bargain level?" I
commenced to give it the fine-tooth-comb treatment. First thing
checked; wheel truing. Perhaps I should call it "wheel falsing".
Okay, so the wheels are a bit wobbly; would a Mall-Wart customer even
notice? Maybe not. Continuing; brakes. Brakes? What brakes? Oh,
you mean those levers on the handlebars that move those rubber
thingies over so that they hit the high spots on the wheels? Are
those supposed to be *brakes*? Yup, cables won't even adjust out at
the levers enough to get a grip; that's black mark number two.
Shifters next. Hmmm. Front der drags on the chain when the grip is
twisted all the way down to the 1 position, cable goes super-tight and
the der runs the chain to the big cog about 3 clicks before the end of
the grip's twist range, so the stops and cable are *both* misadjusted.
And sorry, SRAM, but that *isn't* an indexed shifter, no matter what
the decals and markings might say; it's got three numbers on the twist
grip, but about 20 "stops". So, that's items 3 and 4 that they missed
on setup, and one black mark for the manufacturer as well. Rear der's
next; the stops are set almost close enough for a MIL-spec contract,
but the cable is misadjusted out the wazzoo; 5 positions give a random
choice of two gears each, although the top cog setting is hard against
the stop and fairly predictable. Strike 5 for the store's assembly
person. Too bad this isn't bowling, five strikes would make a decent
game. Looking even more closely, the quill's not *quite* centered;
OK, that's a gimme, not worth a tally mark. The crank's a one-piece
in an old-style BB; sheesh, these guys really went low-tech all the
way. The tube stem on one tire's at just enough of an angle to chafe
through in a few hundred miles; sloppy, and not a mistake that I would
have let go by if I'd done the QC, but probably not enough to get
flagged at Mall-Wart even if they were looking. No skewers, so they
didn't have much opportunity for a screwup on the axles, and no
apparent play in the hubs; score one in favor of the factory on that,
I'd say, though it's the first green check they get so far. That's
pretty much all of it; the rims were proudly marked as being steel
(and the paint scrapes from the pad hits identified the places where
the truing needed the most attention quite nicely) but the frame
didn't admit to being made of anything in particular. It *might* have
been aluminum, but I didn't have a magnet handy, and I rather doubt
that it was. The saddle (I use the term by courtesy) was essentially
decorative as far as I was concerned; about as comfortable as a piece
of two by four covered with carpeting.

Noting that the subject of x-mart-level assembly had come up here
recently, I decided that this might be a good time to see if my prior
information still held true; I asked. Yup, they typically adjust
*nothing* when they assemble a bike, unless you want to call randomly
popping the seat post in at no particular depth and sorta centering
the quill as "adjustments". Who does the work? "Well, whoever's
available that knows how to put one together." (I didn't press for
clarification on that point; I think it's safe to assume that if the
employee knows which end of the crescent wrench is used for pounding
in screws, they'll draw the duty sooner or later.)

This adventure has been chronicled both for your immediate amusement
and so that the next time somebody points out an amazingly low price
in a Mall-Wart bike ad in the Sunday paper, you'll be even more fully
equipped to explain why buying one of those is not your idea of a fun
thing to do this week.

--
My email address is antispammed;
pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail.
Yes, I have a killfile. If I don't respond to something,
it's also possible that I'm busy.
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  #2  
Old July 26th 03, 08:54 PM
Chris Zacho The Wheelman
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Adventures in cheap

Department store bikes, I believe, are the bread and butter of the bike
shop mechanics, salary. It's always good for a laught to go through and
look at tese things :-3D

May you have the wind at your back.
And a really low gear for the hills!
Chris

Chris'Z Corner
"The Website for the Common Bicyclist":
http://www.geocities.com/czcorner

  #3  
Old July 26th 03, 11:46 PM
Rick Onanian
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Posts: n/a
Default Adventures in cheap

On Sat, 26 Jul 2003 19:36:04 GMT, Werehatrack
wrote:

So, OK, I'm in one of the local Mall-Warts this morning, and there's
this 26" front-suspension MTB with a "clearance" tag marked $30.

much info about terrible assembly snipped

Sounds like a cheap, disposable, don't-care-if-it-gets-stolen
commuter for somebody who knows how to do all those adjustments
(like me). I'd ask if that Mall-Wart was near me, but my commute
is as follows:

Roll out of bed. Add some clothes.
Eat enough Rice Krispies to feed a third-world country.
Walk 50 feet into the office.

So, obviously, I need no commuter bike (plus I've rescued a few
Mall-Wart specials from the garbage recently, for a couple of
similar don't-care-if-it-gets-stolen ideas).

--
My email address is antispammed; pull WEEDS if replying via e-mail.
Yes, I have a killfile. If I don't respond to something,
it's also possible that I'm busy.

--
Rick Onanian
  #4  
Old July 26th 03, 11:49 PM
richard
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Adventures in cheap

They obviously don't take the care the local farm store did. The customer
actually paid for "assembly"! (Got a full refund, too, BTW.) The rubber
thingies are supposed to dive under the rim so that the aluminum arms pinch
the tire, slowing the bike. (Just about hurt myself laughing at that one!)

Brakes? What brakes? Oh,
you mean those levers on the handlebars that move those rubber
thingies over so that they hit the high spots on the wheels? Are
those supposed to be *brakes*? Yup, cables won't even adjust out at
the levers enough to get a grip;

  #5  
Old July 27th 03, 06:13 PM
Robin Hubert
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Adventures in cheap

"Werehatrack" wrote in message
...
So, OK, I'm in one of the local Mall-Warts this morning, and there's
this 26" front-suspension MTB with a "clearance" tag marked $30.
There's another one just like it on the rack at full price, so I look
closer; yep, obviously a customer return, as it has plenty of pad
scrapes on the rims and a little bit of unwashed dirt on the kickstand
clamp.

"So", I sez to myself (quietly, lest people realize that I'm a little
off), "what's so wrong with this one that a customer tossed it back,
and why do they want to mark it down to such a bargain level?" I
commenced to give it the fine-tooth-comb treatment. First thing
checked; wheel truing. Perhaps I should call it "wheel falsing".
Okay, so the wheels are a bit wobbly; would a Mall-Wart customer even
notice? Maybe not. Continuing; brakes. Brakes? What brakes? Oh,
you mean those levers on the handlebars that move those rubber
thingies over so that they hit the high spots on the wheels? Are
those supposed to be *brakes*? Yup, cables won't even adjust out at
the levers enough to get a grip; that's black mark number two.
Shifters next. Hmmm. Front der drags on the chain when the grip is
twisted all the way down to the 1 position, cable goes super-tight and
the der runs the chain to the big cog about 3 clicks before the end of
the grip's twist range, so the stops and cable are *both* misadjusted.
And sorry, SRAM, but that *isn't* an indexed shifter, no matter what
the decals and markings might say; it's got three numbers on the twist
grip, but about 20 "stops". So, that's items 3 and 4 that they missed
on setup, and one black mark for the manufacturer as well. Rear der's
next; the stops are set almost close enough for a MIL-spec contract,
but the cable is misadjusted out the wazzoo; 5 positions give a random
choice of two gears each, although the top cog setting is hard against
the stop and fairly predictable. Strike 5 for the store's assembly
person. Too bad this isn't bowling, five strikes would make a decent
game. Looking even more closely, the quill's not *quite* centered;
OK, that's a gimme, not worth a tally mark. The crank's a one-piece
in an old-style BB; sheesh, these guys really went low-tech all the
way. The tube stem on one tire's at just enough of an angle to chafe
through in a few hundred miles; sloppy, and not a mistake that I would
have let go by if I'd done the QC, but probably not enough to get
flagged at Mall-Wart even if they were looking. No skewers, so they
didn't have much opportunity for a screwup on the axles, and no
apparent play in the hubs; score one in favor of the factory on that,
I'd say, though it's the first green check they get so far. That's
pretty much all of it; the rims were proudly marked as being steel
(and the paint scrapes from the pad hits identified the places where
the truing needed the most attention quite nicely) but the frame
didn't admit to being made of anything in particular. It *might* have
been aluminum, but I didn't have a magnet handy, and I rather doubt
that it was. The saddle (I use the term by courtesy) was essentially
decorative as far as I was concerned; about as comfortable as a piece
of two by four covered with carpeting.

Noting that the subject of x-mart-level assembly had come up here
recently, I decided that this might be a good time to see if my prior
information still held true; I asked. Yup, they typically adjust
*nothing* when they assemble a bike, unless you want to call randomly
popping the seat post in at no particular depth and sorta centering
the quill as "adjustments". Who does the work? "Well, whoever's
available that knows how to put one together." (I didn't press for
clarification on that point; I think it's safe to assume that if the
employee knows which end of the crescent wrench is used for pounding
in screws, they'll draw the duty sooner or later.)

This adventure has been chronicled both for your immediate amusement
and so that the next time somebody points out an amazingly low price
in a Mall-Wart bike ad in the Sunday paper, you'll be even more fully
equipped to explain why buying one of those is not your idea of a fun
thing to do this week.


So, didja buy it?



--
Robin Hubert



  #6  
Old July 29th 03, 04:41 AM
Robin Hubert
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Adventures in cheap

"Werehatrack" wrote in message
...
On Sun, 27 Jul 2003 17:13:32 GMT, "Robin Hubert"
may have said:

So, didja buy it?


As admitted elsewhere, it followed me home (honest it did)...and then
I found another assembly screwup. The front der cable was clamped
wrong; the cable was running through the clamp on the wrong side of
the tab, which shortened the travel and increased the effort on the
shifter. Since the below-bottom-of-the-line SRAM gripshifters use
just about the crummiest excuse for a threaded plastic adjuster that
I've ever encountered, the adjuster would leap over its threads to the
fully relaxed position if there was enough tension on it. And, since
the short throw on the arm meant that the der was going to hit the
stop (or the chain) if the cable was adjusted to provide proper
shifting in and out of the smaller cogs, the tension was guaranteed to
go critical when the grip got twisted toward 3, so just about any
shift to the big ring was trashing the adjustment.

After all the tweaking, it rides OK, for a sub-basement-level unit.
It'll probably become the one that I am most willing to toss in the
back of the van as emergency/gopher wheels when traveling. Now I just
need to take the minitorch out there and solder the cable ends where
the crummy crimps already fell off.

In my automotive performance days, I'd have regarded a project like
this as "buying a kit"; all the parts are there, but essentially
complete assembly and tuning required.



$35 + tax is a couple taxi rides. Definitely worth it.



--
Robin Hubert



 




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