Magilla Gorilla's Cock To Seek Reform Party Nomination

(NOTE: If you were on acid you'd realize that the following story is really
about bike racing - so don't give me any ****.)



Magilla Gorilla's cock, the number one search term on the internet and also
the so-called "cock" of John Couey, has announced its intention to seek the
Reform Party presidential nomination for the Year 2008 "on account of so far
everybody else runnin' is just a buncha dickheads anyway."



"So far," said Magilla Gorilla's cock, speaking in a special American sign
language for Cocks developed exclusively for his own cock by John Couey
himself while touring with his child molestor band of friends, "all reform
party nominees past present and future, not to mention all reform party
'members,' if you know what I mean, have been justa buncha dickheads --
whereas I, 'Rocker' Magilla Gorilla's cock, am, totally, my own person."



More politically savvy than its years would suggest, "Rocker" Magilla
Gorilla's cock was quick to acknowledge its political shortcomings, if you
know what I mean.



"I realize that my appeal," said the cock, "is mostly to the incredibly
stupid and the young, and so, to help me reach out to the incredibly stupid
and the old, I will balance the ticket by selecting as my running mate, the
honorable John Evander Couey's cock, of Florida."



Couey's cock was, however, unavailable for comment. If you know what I
mean.



Magilla Gorilla's cock also claimed it would not challenge child molester
John Couey to debate, "on account of since the guy already looks, talks, and
acts so much just like one big dumb schlong, anyway, nobody will be able to
tell the two of us apart, and all the stupid dumbass things he says will be
attributed to me. -- And then where will civilization be?"



Couey's cock was also unavailable for comment on account of having just been
run over several times by a convoy of 200 18-wheeler tractor trailer rigs
bound for Niceville, Florida.



"Rocker" Magilla Gorilla's cock said it would run on a platform of, "you
know, all those great old penis jokes from our nation's history and from the
great world historical literature of things that have routinely been said
about big hard throbbing cocks down through the ages, in story, song, and
ideological underpinning."



"'Rocker' Magilla Gorilla's cock is in a good position to run for president
on account of being the number one search term on the Internet," said
"Rocker" Magilla Gorilla butt-girl, Madonna. "Average American voters are
just so ****ing out of it, they don't know the difference between voting and
web-surfing -- so when confronted with a choice, they'll just do what they
always do: click on 'Rocker' Magilla Gorilla's cock."



"Rocker" Magilla Gorilla's cock earlier told reporters that, if elected, it
would try to model its own presidency on that of its all-time favorite
American President, President Johnson.



Marilyn Monroe's Cock Auctioned Off



Marilyn Monroe's cock was auctioned off by Southeby's or eBay or Hustler, or
whoever, yesterday. This was apparently a very special cock as it was the
one she wore when she sang her famous hit tune "Happy Birthday Mr.
Presidency" to Larry the Cable Guy.



Marilyn Manson's Marketing Plan Auctioned Off



Marilyn Manson's original marketing plan, you know, the one scrawled on a
napkin over coffee when he was still Charles Monroe or whoever, will be
auctioned off today by Southeby's or Somebody's or whoever. This is
apparently a very special marketing plan as, apparently, it is the only one
in the history of marketing plans that has ever actually WORKED.