Maintenance

Tom Keats wrote:
In article .com,
"Maggie" writes:

Maybe you keep changing as you get older, but I find
I become more set in my ways. It has taken a long time to figure
out
who I am and I am not quite sure if I have it right, but at least I
know who I am finally.

If you haven't read it yet, I bet you'd enjoy
Kurt Vonnegut's "The Sirens of Titan". It nicely
describes how people can change (or be changed)
despite themselves.


cheers,
Tom

-- Nothing is safe from me.
Above address is just a spam midden.
I'm really at: tkeats [curlicue] vcn [point] bc [point] ca

Isn't he a science fiction writer? I DO believe people are changed by
life, I just do not think people change unless life changes them. And
life certainly has a way of changing people. I was a sweet, naive girl
once. Now I am bitter and I trust no one. I did not change into that
person on purpose. I just evolved into it. Didn't that book have a
spaceship in it? I am not a big fan of science fiction. I could never
get into that stuff. I spend too much time reading self help books. :-)
All Good Things.
Maggie.

In article . com,
"Maggie" writes:

If you haven't read it yet, I bet you'd enjoy
Kurt Vonnegut's "The Sirens of Titan". It nicely
describes how people can change (or be changed)
despite themselves.

Isn't he a science fiction writer?

No, more of a whimsical 'human interest' writer.

I DO believe people are changed by
life, I just do not think people change unless life changes them. And
life certainly has a way of changing people.

I prefer to believe change comes from within.
Experience might prompt it, but ultimately
the decision to change is ours.


cheers again,
Tom

--
-- Nothing is safe from me.
Above address is just a spam midden.
I'm really at: tkeats [curlicue] vcn [point] bc [point] ca

I guess it sort of depends on what you mean by "change."

In two weeks, at age 65, I will be doing my first vocal solo in our
church "talent show." Never done ANYTHING like this in my entire life.
I started voice lessons about 3 months ago, and have thoroughly
enjoyed the "change."

I started bicycling seriously at age 58, and in 3 months, did the "Ride
the Rockies." Another significant change for me.

I just finished losing about 20 pounds - another "change" for me, and
have about 10 pounds to go.

I started working out seriously with free weights about 15 years ago,
but just added some new routines this last two months. Another
"change."

I am in the process of studying for my personal certification with ACE
in being a "personal trainer" and hope to work with seniors in that
field. One more change, at least hoped for.

I am starting to lead a group of "seniors" on bicycling and walking
trips on Monday, which I organized.

Please see:

http://members.aol.com/dnvrfox/xyz.htm

I have had a major heart disruption (atrial fibrillation) this year,
which was certainly a change, although very undesired. But, I will be
going to San Francisco in August for a medical procedure to hopefully
correct this problem. In the meantime, I am still bicycling and
walking 3-5 miles per day.

I started back into teaching middle school at the age of 61 and taught
successfully for four years. A rather major change.

I moved from our home of 26 years 2.5 years ago to a brand new home.
A major change.

I am now "officially" retired, a whoppingly major change. But I am not
yet "done."

And, I could go on and on. New bicycle and routes, a major group of
new friends in our church.

So, I still want to know, just when is that magic age when you stop
changing?

Perhaps you define "change" in a different way? I define it
behaviorally - to me, change is reflected in what you do.

Now I am bitter and I trust no one. I did not change into that
person on purpose. I just evolved into it.
All Good Things.
Maggie.


That sentence coupled with your seemingly total acceptance of your
inability, unwillingness to entertain the idea of change is probably one of
the saddest thngs I've ever read (with the possible exception of my tax
returns).

Everyone is capable of change, for good and for the worse, at any age. It
can come from within or it can be forced upon you but it is possible and
common. And I'm not talking about trivial changes like which side of the
bed you sleep on or what part of the newspaper you read first, I'm talking
about profound changes in the way you view, live and value your life.

The possibility of reincarnation aside, you only get this one shot so make
the most of it. Sure would be a shame spending it being less that you can
be.

Sermon over now tithe over your 10%!

Colorado Bicycler wrote:
I guess it sort of depends on what you mean by "change."

In two weeks, at age 65, I will be doing my first vocal solo in our
church "talent show." Never done ANYTHING like this in my entire
life.
I started voice lessons about 3 months ago, and have thoroughly
enjoyed the "change."

I started bicycling seriously at age 58, and in 3 months, did the
"Ride
the Rockies." Another significant change for me.

I just finished losing about 20 pounds - another "change" for me, and
have about 10 pounds to go.

I started working out seriously with free weights about 15 years ago,
but just added some new routines this last two months. Another
"change."

I am in the process of studying for my personal certification with
ACE
in being a "personal trainer" and hope to work with seniors in that
field. One more change, at least hoped for.

I am starting to lead a group of "seniors" on bicycling and walking
trips on Monday, which I organized.

Please see:

http://members.aol.com/dnvrfox/xyz.htm

I have had a major heart disruption (atrial fibrillation) this year,
which was certainly a change, although very undesired. But, I will
be
going to San Francisco in August for a medical procedure to hopefully
correct this problem. In the meantime, I am still bicycling and
walking 3-5 miles per day.

I started back into teaching middle school at the age of 61 and
taught
successfully for four years. A rather major change.

I moved from our home of 26 years 2.5 years ago to a brand new home.
A major change.

I am now "officially" retired, a whoppingly major change. But I am
not
yet "done."

And, I could go on and on. New bicycle and routes, a major group of
new friends in our church.

So, I still want to know, just when is that magic age when you stop
changing?

Perhaps you define "change" in a different way? I define it
behaviorally - to me, change is reflected in what you do.

I think I am defining change in a different way. I have made alot of
changes to my life over the years and I am proud of that. I am
speaking of the changes that happen to you through experience (good and
bad). "Life changes".

I agree that there are many things we can change in our life. We can
also change our attitude. The one thing we cannot change is the past,
we can only accept it and move on. But each one of those experiences I
speak of, changes you in ways you really have no control over. If I
can't trust people, is it because I made the choice to be that way????
Or do you think I came to that place through some difficult
experiences? We all can change, but sometimes it is definately not our
choice to change.....we just do. We can't live and not be changed by
our experiences. We move on, but the past is always there, sometimes
hidden in the way we behave in a given a circumstance. I've discussed
this with about 6 therapists. I usually quit after 3 sessions. I can't
stand paying someone so I can whine about the past.

I've changed my life for the better in business, going back to school,
exercising, buying a bike and riding it, going to the gym, being
totally loyal to the people I love, doing my best to be a good
mother.......but I do "not" think I am capable, because of my
background....of trusting people. I've tried. Remember that song.
"ONCE BITTEN TWICE SHY BABE"......Well, if you get bitten
enough.....you stop putting yourself at risk. You start to wear armour.
My armour is my sense of humor. I use it as a shield. I do make, and
have made, many changes to my life......as you have done. The changes
life made "FOR" me, are alot more difficult to deal with. They seem to
stay forever...and you can't change it. If I could trust people I
would be very happy. Believe me, not trusting people, it is not
something I intentionally want. I have a fabulous life, and I am not
whining....I just know there are some parts of my being that are set
forever in stone, and will never change.
All Good Things,
Maggie

I think I understand where you are coming from, but I don't entirely
disagree.

A consistent theme seems to be a general distrust of people. That is
sad, but I think you COULS change that.

Is there just one person you feel you could learn to trust? I think
that if you could start with just one, perhaps you could build to two
and then maybe three? Having three people to trust would be a great
thing. Not many of us have more than that.

Trusting involves taking a risk.

Don't mean to play amateur psychologist here, but not having even one
person to trust seems rreally upsetting to me.

I would add that frequently behavior change precedes attitude changes.
That is, go through the actions of trusting someone, and then the
attitude change may follow.

Good luck!

Colorado Bicycler wrote:
I would add that frequently behavior change precedes attitude
changes.
That is, go through the actions of trusting someone, and then the
attitude change may follow.

Good luck!

I already tried trusting someone and it ended up a disaster. After
that I gave up. The trust issues go back to childhood, I tried
trusting someone at around age 40. That put me over the edge. The walls
are up for good now. I have finally came to the concludsion that the
armour feels better. And I can get the armour in designer originals
accented by a sense of humor. ;-) Works for me. Thanks for caring. My
days of being vulnerable are over. Only my children hold my heart. My
life changes all the time, but the heart feels what it feels. Hey, I
rode my bike today. I had a great ride. It was truly fun. I met alot
of people on my little excursion. Quite fun. I am loving this bike
stuff.
All Good Things,
Maggie.
The first cut is the deepest.

Sounds to me like you trust your children!

"Maggie" wrote in
oups.com:

I already tried trusting someone and it ended up a disaster.
After that I gave up. The trust issues go back to childhood, I
tried trusting someone at around age 40.

There is the problem right there, never trust anyone around 40 or less
for that matter...now I am 65, trust me on that.