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A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews: Franki Krygowski's legs
I parked my tenspeed battery-drive stepthrough in front of the
smartest caff in town and wondered if my bike was smart enough for Franki Krygowski, the noted cyclist and my first interview. The first part of Franki I saw were his shaven legs, sticking out at right angles to the table. I lifted up the cloth to see if there was an obstruction under the table but there was nothing. Franki was just showing off his shaven legs. ‘Nice legs,’ I said as I modestly disposed my own, fully clad, legs under the table. But Franki wasn’t interested in the niceties. Among the six empty latte cups on the table lay a wodge of printout from the internet, looking like it was from the famous rec.bicycles.tech. Ooh, I thought, now I will get an insight into the cutting edge. ‘"Stickinthemuddery" may be evidence of attempted creativity,’ Franki said suddenly, ‘or it may be evidence that Jute's inability to break paragraphs has now descended to the word level. Will he soon be making Ulysses look like easy reading by comparison?’ Since Franki had gone back to contemplating his shaven legs approvingly and didn’t seem likely to offer me refreshment, I gestured to the counter for a round of latte. The editor had warned me that some cyclists are a bit surly. All those lonely hours in the bathroom with just a razor for company has that effect, or so the editor said. I wouldn’t know: I don’t shave my legs. ‘This is Mr Andre Jute, the novelist and engineering and arts writer?’ I ventured. ‘He only wrote one long paragraph. That is hardly a congenital disease.’ But Franki Krygowski wasn’t having any. ‘In any case, Mr. Jute seems completely incapable of understanding that others' criteria may differ from his own.’ He looked up at the waitress serving our latte and flexed his knees apart an inch or two. ‘Keep ‘em coming,’ he said to her. ‘My friend will pay.’ I nodded meekly. I wondered if it would be out of my own pocket or if the editor would approve a few dollars out of petty cash to grease my first interview. Talking of grease, I now saw that the glint on Franki’s shaven legs was oil. Now Franki was giving me the inside gen on Shimano’s latest electronic Dura-Ace. How thrilling to speak to a real expert! ‘Yes,’ Franki said between slurps of latte, ‘an electronically and mechanically complex pile of parts may seem wonderful to certain people. For example: slowly pottering geriatrics, techno-complexity freaks, those who'll never ride enough to test reliability, and those for whom clicking a gear shifter is unbearably confusing. (And yes, one person may have all those attributes.)’ ‘Ooh,’ I said, taken a bit aback by Franki’s spiteful response to Mr Jute’s name in the internet posts on the table. ‘Isn’t that a bit politically incorrect?’ Franki waved the quibble away almost as if it offended him. He was on a roll now. ‘But others may prefer more control of cadence, power output and speed, _as well as more range and repairability.’ I smiled encouragingly. ‘You’re so right. It says on Mr Jute’s netsite that he wouldn’t recommend Shimano’s electronics gears for offroading.’ It was the wrong thing to say, though I cannot imagine why the fact that Mr Jute agrees with him should infuriate Franki Krygowski so. ‘I recall an early electronic ignition system on my motorcycle literally emitting sparks and clouds of smoke after a ride in a mountain thunderstorm.’ The jellyrolls on Franki’s shaven legs quivered with his emotion. He was so red in the face, I decided I had enough; I didn’t want my first interviewee throwing a thombie. Franki didn’t notice me rising. As I paid for our latte, I heard him behind me confiding to the waitress: ‘I also recall bicycling on gravel roads in remotest North Dakota, when I couldn't begin to guess where the closest human being was. Not the time I'd want my bicycle to explode sparks, nor say "Warning! A firmware update is urgently needed!"’ ‘Aw, Franki,’ she said, ‘everyone knows you never rode any further than the depot on Main Street to pick up your subscription copy of Musclehead. And put those disgusting shaven legs under the table if you want to sit here for the rest of the day.’ --From A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews |
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A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews: Franki Krygowski's legs
Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers.
******* I parked my tenspeed battery-drive stepthrough in front of the smartest caff in town and wondered if my bike was smart enough for Franki Krygowski, the noted cyclist and my first interview. The first part of Franki I saw were his shaven legs, sticking out at right angles to the table. I lifted up the cloth to see if there was an obstruction under the table but there was nothing. Franki was just showing off his shaven legs. ‘Nice legs,’ I said as I modestly disposed my own, fully clad, legs under the table. But Franki wasn’t interested in the niceties. Among the six empty latte cups on the table lay a wodge of printout from the internet, looking like it was from the famous rec.bicycles.tech. Ooh, I thought, now I will get an insight into the cutting edge. ‘"Stickinthemuddery" may be evidence of attempted creativity,’ Franki said suddenly, ‘or it may be evidence that Jute's inability to break paragraphs has now descended to the word level. Will he soon be making Ulysses look like easy reading by comparison?’ Since Franki had gone back to contemplating his shaven legs approvingly and didn’t seem likely to offer me refreshment, I gestured to the counter for a round of latte. The editor had warned me that some cyclists are a bit surly. All those lonely hours in the bathroom with just a razor for company has that effect, or so the editor said. I wouldn’t know: I don’t shave my legs. ‘This is Mr Andre Jute, the novelist and engineering and arts writer?’ I ventured. ‘He only wrote one long paragraph. That is hardly a congenital disease.’ But Franki Krygowski wasn’t having any. ‘In any case, Mr. Jute seems completely incapable of understanding that others' criteria may differ from his own.’ He looked up at the waitress serving our latte and flexed his knees apart an inch or two. ‘Keep ‘em coming,’ he said to her. ‘My friend will pay.’ I nodded meekly. I wondered if it would be out of my own pocket or if the editor would approve a few dollars out of petty cash to grease my first interview. Talking of grease, I now saw that the glint on Franki’s shaven legs was oil. Now Franki was giving me the inside gen on Shimano’s latest electronic Dura-Ace. How thrilling to speak to a real expert! ‘Yes,’ Franki said between slurps of latte, ‘an electronically and mechanically complex pile of parts may seem wonderful to certain people. For example: slowly pottering geriatrics, techno-complexity freaks, those who'll never ride enough to test reliability, and those for whom clicking a gear shifter is unbearably confusing. (And yes, one person may have all those attributes.)’ ‘Ooh,’ I said, taken a bit aback by Franki’s spiteful response to Mr Jute’s name in the internet posts on the table. ‘Isn’t that a bit politically incorrect?’ Franki waved the quibble away almost as if it offended him. He was on a roll now. ‘But others may prefer more control of cadence, power output and speed, _as well as more range and repairability.’ I smiled encouragingly. ‘You’re so right. It says on Mr Jute’s netsite that he wouldn’t recommend Shimano’s electronics gears for offroading.’ It was the wrong thing to say, though I cannot imagine why the fact that Mr Jute agrees with him should infuriate Franki Krygowski so: ‘I recall an early electronic ignition system on my motorcycle literally emitting sparks and clouds of smoke after a ride in a mountain thunderstorm.’ The jellyrolls on Franki’s shaven legs quivered with his emotion. He was so red in the face, I decided I had enough; I didn’t want my first interviewee throwing a thombie. Franki didn’t notice me rising. As I paid for our latte, I heard him behind me confiding to the waitress: ‘I also recall bicycling on gravel roads in remotest North Dakota, when I couldn't begin to guess where the closest human being was. Not the time I'd want my bicycle to explode sparks, nor say "Warning! A firmware update is urgently needed!"’ ‘Aw, Franki,’ she said, ‘everyone knows you never rode any further than the depot on Main Street to pick up your subscription copy of Musclehead. And put those disgusting shaven legs under the table if you want to sit here for the rest of the day.’ --From A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
In article
, Andre Jute wrote: Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers. [...] Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. As it is, the kids take one look at you, make you give up your lunch money, throw your sneakers over the power line, then roll you in the ditch. -- Michael Press |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. As it is, the kids take one look at you, make you give up your lunch money, throw your sneakers over the power line, then roll you in the ditch. -- Michael Press Yeah, let anybody criticize him in any way and he goes into a corner, sulks, and then comes back with an all out attack. Do you think he'll ever grow up? Nah, not a chance, the way he's going. Pat in TX |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
On Sep 6, 8:19*pm, Michael Press wrote:
In article , *Andre Jute wrote: Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers. [...] Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. As it is, the kids take one look at you, make you give up your lunch money, throw your sneakers over the power line, then roll you in the ditch. -- Michael Press Did they authorize you to confess their malice, Michael? I wouldn't want to kick a guy like Jobst Brandt in the goolies if he sinned ignorantly, as it appears to me, nor Mike J whose heart is probably in the right place. Your wishful thinking is colorful but why am I not quaking in my furlined booties? Andre Jute I didn't do anything to him, Judge. It's my mojo. |
#6
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
On Sep 6, 8:19*pm, Michael Press wrote:
In article , *Andre Jute wrote: Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers. Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers. ******* I parked my tenspeed battery-drive stepthrough in front of the smartest caff in town and wondered if my bike was smart enough for Franki Krygowski, the noted cyclist and my first interview. The first part of Franki I saw were his shaven legs, sticking out at right angles to the table. I lifted up the cloth to see if there was an obstruction under the table but there was nothing. Franki was just showing off his shaven legs. ‘Nice legs,’ I said as I modestly disposed my own, fully clad, legs under the table. But Franki wasn’t interested in the niceties. Among the six empty latte cups on the table lay a wodge of printout from the internet, looking like it was from the famous rec.bicycles.tech. Ooh, I thought, now I will get an insight into the cutting edge. ‘"Stickinthemuddery" may be evidence of attempted creativity,’ Franki said suddenly, ‘or it may be evidence that Jute's inability to break paragraphs has now descended to the word level. Will he soon be making Ulysses look like easy reading by comparison?’ Since Franki had gone back to contemplating his shaven legs approvingly and didn’t seem likely to offer me refreshment, I gestured to the counter for a round of latte. The editor had warned me that some cyclists are a bit surly. All those lonely hours in the bathroom with just a razor for company has that effect, or so the editor said. I wouldn’t know: I don’t shave my legs. ‘This is Mr Andre Jute, the novelist and engineering and arts writer?’ I ventured. ‘He only wrote one long paragraph. That is hardly a congenital disease.’ But Franki Krygowski wasn’t having any. ‘In any case, Mr. Jute seems completely incapable of understanding that others' criteria may differ from his own.’ He looked up at the waitress serving our latte and flexed his knees apart an inch or two. ‘Keep ‘em coming,’ he said to her. ‘My friend will pay.’ I nodded meekly. I wondered if it would be out of my own pocket or if the editor would approve a few dollars out of petty cash to grease my first interview. Talking of grease, I now saw that the glint on Franki’s shaven legs was oil. Now Franki was giving me the inside gen on Shimano’s latest electronic Dura-Ace. How thrilling to speak to a real expert! ‘Yes,’ Franki said between slurps of latte, ‘an electronically and mechanically complex pile of parts may seem wonderful to certain people. For example: slowly pottering geriatrics, techno-complexity freaks, those who'll never ride enough to test reliability, and those for whom clicking a gear shifter is unbearably confusing. (And yes, one person may have all those attributes.)’ ‘Ooh,’ I said, taken a bit aback by Franki’s spiteful response to Mr Jute’s name in the internet posts on the table. ‘Isn’t that a bit politically incorrect?’ Franki waved the quibble away almost as if it offended him. He was on a roll now. ‘But others may prefer more control of cadence, power output and speed, as well as more range and repairability.’ I smiled encouragingly. ‘You’re so right. It says on Mr Jute’s netsite that he wouldn’t recommend Shimano’s electronics gears for offroading.’ It was the wrong thing to say, though I cannot imagine why the fact that Mr Jute agrees with him should infuriate Franki Krygowski so: ‘I recall an early electronic ignition system on my motorcycle literally emitting sparks and clouds of smoke after a ride in a mountain thunderstorm.’ The jellyrolls on Franki’s shaven legs quivered with his emotion. He was so red in the face, I decided I had enough; I didn’t want my first interviewee throwing a thombie. Franki didn’t notice me rising. As I paid for our latte, I heard him behind me confiding to the waitress: ‘I also recall bicycling on gravel roads in remotest North Dakota, when I couldn't begin to guess where the closest human being was. Not the time I'd want my bicycle to explode sparks, nor say "Warning! A firmware update is urgently needed!"’ ‘Aw, Franki,’ she said, ‘everyone knows you never rode any further than the depot on Main Street to pick up your subscription copy of Musclehead. And put those disgusting shaven legs under the table if you want to sit here for the rest of the day.’ --From A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. From you, perhaps, dear Mikey? Andre Jute Little Red Riding Hood |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
On Sep 6, 8:25*pm, "Pat" wrote:
******* I parked my tenspeed battery-drive stepthrough in front of the smartest caff in town and wondered if my bike was smart enough for Franki Krygowski, the noted cyclist and my first interview. The first part of Franki I saw were his shaven legs, sticking out at right angles to the table. I lifted up the cloth to see if there was an obstruction under the table but there was nothing. Franki was just showing off his shaven legs. ‘Nice legs,’ I said as I modestly disposed my own, fully clad, legs under the table. But Franki wasn’t interested in the niceties. Among the six empty latte cups on the table lay a wodge of printout from the internet, looking like it was from the famous rec.bicycles.tech. Ooh, I thought, now I will get an insight into the cutting edge. ‘"Stickinthemuddery" may be evidence of attempted creativity,’ Franki said suddenly, ‘or it may be evidence that Jute's inability to break paragraphs has now descended to the word level. Will he soon be making Ulysses look like easy reading by comparison?’ Since Franki had gone back to contemplating his shaven legs approvingly and didn’t seem likely to offer me refreshment, I gestured to the counter for a round of latte. The editor had warned me that some cyclists are a bit surly. All those lonely hours in the bathroom with just a razor for company has that effect, or so the editor said. I wouldn’t know: I don’t shave my legs. ‘This is Mr Andre Jute, the novelist and engineering and arts writer?’ I ventured. ‘He only wrote one long paragraph. That is hardly a congenital disease.’ But Franki Krygowski wasn’t having any. ‘In any case, Mr. Jute seems completely incapable of understanding that others' criteria may differ from his own.’ He looked up at the waitress serving our latte and flexed his knees apart an inch or two. ‘Keep ‘em coming,’ he said to her. ‘My friend will pay.’ I nodded meekly. I wondered if it would be out of my own pocket or if the editor would approve a few dollars out of petty cash to grease my first interview. Talking of grease, I now saw that the glint on Franki’s shaven legs was oil. Now Franki was giving me the inside gen on Shimano’s latest electronic Dura-Ace. How thrilling to speak to a real expert! ‘Yes,’ Franki said between slurps of latte, ‘an electronically and mechanically complex pile of parts may seem wonderful to certain people. For example: slowly pottering geriatrics, techno-complexity freaks, those who'll never ride enough to test reliability, and those for whom clicking a gear shifter is unbearably confusing. (And yes, one person may have all those attributes.)’ ‘Ooh,’ I said, taken a bit aback by Franki’s spiteful response to Mr Jute’s name in the internet posts on the table. ‘Isn’t that a bit politically incorrect?’ Franki waved the quibble away almost as if it offended him. He was on a roll now. ‘But others may prefer more control of cadence, power output and speed, as well as more range and repairability.’ I smiled encouragingly. ‘You’re so right. It says on Mr Jute’s netsite that he wouldn’t recommend Shimano’s electronics gears for offroading.’ It was the wrong thing to say, though I cannot imagine why the fact that Mr Jute agrees with him should infuriate Franki Krygowski so: ‘I recall an early electronic ignition system on my motorcycle literally emitting sparks and clouds of smoke after a ride in a mountain thunderstorm.’ The jellyrolls on Franki’s shaven legs quivered with his emotion. He was so red in the face, I decided I had enough; I didn’t want my first interviewee throwing a thombie. Franki didn’t notice me rising. As I paid for our latte, I heard him behind me confiding to the waitress: ‘I also recall bicycling on gravel roads in remotest North Dakota, when I couldn't begin to guess where the closest human being was. Not the time I'd want my bicycle to explode sparks, nor say "Warning! A firmware update is urgently needed!"’ ‘Aw, Franki,’ she said, ‘everyone knows you never rode any further than the depot on Main Street to pick up your subscription copy of Musclehead. And put those disgusting shaven legs under the table if you want to sit here for the rest of the day.’ --From A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews ********* Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. As it is, the kids take one look at you, make you give up your lunch money, throw your sneakers over the power line, then roll you in the ditch. -- Michael Press Yeah, let anybody criticize him in any way and he goes into a corner, sulks, and then comes back with an all out attack. *Do you think he'll ever grow up? Nah, not a chance, the way he's going. Pat in TX Yo, Pat in Texas, where once there were men, thanks for another opportunity to inded Franki Krygowski's quivering legs. Andre Jute Practical trollwork 101: knock against the head of the dummy. |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
Yo, Pat in Texas, where once there were men, thanks for another opportunity to inded Franki Krygowski's quivering legs. Andre Jute Yawn. |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
On Sep 7, 2:40*pm, "Pat in Texas" where once men were men wrote:
...thanks for another opportunity to index Franki Krygowski's quivering legs. ******* I parked my tenspeed battery-drive stepthrough in front of the smartest caff in town and wondered if my bike was smart enough for Franki Krygowski, the noted cyclist and my first interview. The first part of Franki I saw were his shaven legs, sticking out at right angles to the table. I lifted up the cloth to see if there was an obstruction under the table but there was nothing. Franki was just showing off his shaven legs. ‘Nice legs,’ I said as I modestly disposed my own, fully clad, legs under the table. But Franki wasn’t interested in the niceties. Among the six empty latte cups on the table lay a wodge of printout from the internet, looking like it was from the famous rec.bicycles.tech. Ooh, I thought, now I will get an insight into the cutting edge. ‘"Stickinthemuddery" may be evidence of attempted creativity,’ Franki said suddenly, ‘or it may be evidence that Jute's inability to break paragraphs has now descended to the word level. Will he soon be making Ulysses look like easy reading by comparison?’ Since Franki had gone back to contemplating his shaven legs approvingly and didn’t seem likely to offer me refreshment, I gestured to the counter for a round of latte. The editor had warned me that some cyclists are a bit surly. All those lonely hours in the bathroom with just a razor for company has that effect, or so the editor said. I wouldn’t know: I don’t shave my legs. ‘This is Mr Andre Jute, the novelist and engineering and arts writer?’ I ventured. ‘He only wrote one long paragraph. That is hardly a congenital disease.’ But Franki Krygowski wasn’t having any. ‘In any case, Mr. Jute seems completely incapable of understanding that others' criteria may differ from his own.’ He looked up at the waitress serving our latte and flexed his knees apart an inch or two. ‘Keep ‘em coming,’ he said to her. ‘My friend will pay.’ I nodded meekly. I wondered if it would be out of my own pocket or if the editor would approve a few dollars out of petty cash to grease my first interview. Talking of grease, I now saw that the glint on Franki’s shaven legs was oil. Now Franki was giving me the inside gen on Shimano’s latest electronic Dura-Ace. How thrilling to speak to a real expert! ‘Yes,’ Franki said between slurps of latte, ‘an electronically and mechanically complex pile of parts may seem wonderful to certain people. For example: slowly pottering geriatrics, techno-complexity freaks, those who'll never ride enough to test reliability, and those for whom clicking a gear shifter is unbearably confusing. (And yes, one person may have all those attributes.)’ ‘Ooh,’ I said, taken a bit aback by Franki’s spiteful response to Mr Jute’s name in the internet posts on the table. ‘Isn’t that a bit politically incorrect?’ Franki waved the quibble away almost as if it offended him. He was on a roll now. ‘But others may prefer more control of cadence, power output and speed, as well as more range and repairability.’ I smiled encouragingly. ‘You’re so right. It says on Mr Jute’s netsite that he wouldn’t recommend Shimano’s electronics gears for offroading.’ It was the wrong thing to say, though I cannot imagine why the fact that Mr Jute agrees with him should infuriate Franki Krygowski so: ‘I recall an early electronic ignition system on my motorcycle literally emitting sparks and clouds of smoke after a ride in a mountain thunderstorm.’ The jellyrolls on Franki’s shaven legs quivered with his emotion. He was so red in the face, I decided I had enough; I didn’t want my first interviewee throwing a thombie. Franki didn’t notice me rising. As I paid for our latte, I heard him behind me confiding to the waitress: ‘I also recall bicycling on gravel roads in remotest North Dakota, when I couldn't begin to guess where the closest human being was. Not the time I'd want my bicycle to explode sparks, nor say "Warning! A firmware update is urgently needed!"’ ‘Aw, Franki,’ she said, ‘everyone knows you never rode any further than the depot on Main Street to pick up your subscription copy of Musclehead. And put those disgusting shaven legs under the table if you want to sit here for the rest of the day.’ --From A Cub Reporter’s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews ********* Thanks for that, Pat. How long do you think before Jobst rewrites the Cub Reporters Inconsequential Interview to be 2.143 times as funny? AJ in Ireland ....where leprechauns are still leprechauns |
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A Cub Reporter¹s Casebook of Unimportant Interviews
In article
, Andre Jute wrote: On Sep 6, 8:19*pm, Michael Press wrote: In article , *Andre Jute wrote: Edited to make the pars clearer for the usual kibitzers. [...] Crikey, Andrew, hope you get some bites on this one. You _could_ take lessons in trolling. As it is, the kids take one look at you, make you give up your lunch money, throw your sneakers over the power line, then roll you in the ditch. Did they authorize you to confess their malice, Michael? I wouldn't want to kick a guy like Jobst Brandt in the goolies if he sinned ignorantly, as it appears to me, nor Mike J whose heart is probably in the right place. Your wishful thinking is colorful but why am I not quaking in my furlined booties? Why should you quake? What's the worst that could happen? Do you think anyone read the unimportant interview, even after you re-posted that page-and-a-half three times? We are not quaking either. We are not reading it. Work on your trolling. I suggest intervals. Short intense paragraphs. -- Michael Press |
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