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Club rides that were rejected
I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new
ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on this ride! Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett This ride visits various sites where club members have had accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks are still there on the road! Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette, allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant. So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride? P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which? |
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#2
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"Mike Kruger" wrote:
I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on this ride! Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett This ride visits various sites where club members have had accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks are still there on the road! Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette, allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant. Sounds like some rides I've been on. I'm guessing the Brickyard Tour was a real ride. Art Harris |
#3
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Mike Kruger wrote:
I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on this ride! Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett This ride visits various sites where club members have had accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks are still there on the road! Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette, allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant. So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride? P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which? How about: Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads frequented by trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry. Route will include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No regrouping, dark clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride leaves 4:30PM or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the f-word to talk to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for originality. Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills Perambulation: Enjoy not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling scenic and odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans and rice, chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what everyone in front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the sleaziest bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional. Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer hammer hammer out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude. Special sag vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement weather will move ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually arguing over who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's Notch. Custom bicycles only please. Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding like you are, or maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride for you. Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining whining. No complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded. Rider with the worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be given a gag at the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel. |
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On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 23:17:15 +0000 (UTC), William Asher
wrote: Mike Kruger wrote: I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on this ride! Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett This ride visits various sites where club members have had accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks are still there on the road! Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette, allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant. So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride? P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which? How about: Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads frequented by trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry. Route will include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No regrouping, dark clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride leaves 4:30PM or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the f-word to talk to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for originality. Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills Perambulation: Enjoy not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling scenic and odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans and rice, chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what everyone in front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the sleaziest bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional. Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer hammer hammer out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude. Special sag vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement weather will move ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually arguing over who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's Notch. Custom bicycles only please. Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding like you are, or maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride for you. Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining whining. No complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded. Rider with the worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be given a gag at the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel. All in favor of naming William to Activities Director say "Aye." Ron |
#5
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"William Asher" wrote
a bunch of good stuff Thanks. in message ... Mike Kruger wrote: I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Dogma Ride Pace: very fast Leader: Butch Butch has connected all the spots with dogs who love to chase and snap at your legs, and come up with this route which is great for interval training. Don't be the slowest cyclist on this ride! Hospital Ride Pace: slow Leader: Nurse Ratchett This ride visits various sites where club members have had accidents in the past few years. In some cases, the skid marks are still there on the road! Brickyard Tour Pace: fast Leader: Red This route winds through the brick sidestreets of Wilmette, allowing you to pretend you are riding in one of those spring European classics as you bump along. This ride goes rain or shine. Lunch at the Klay Oven restaurant. So, what are other bad ideas for a club ride? P.S. One of the rides above is actually from our club schedule from a couple of years ago. Can you guess which? How about: Tour de Major Arterial: A selection of very busy roads frequented by trucks, buses, emergency vehicles, and commuters in a hurry. Route will include numerous railroad crossings, traffic lights. No regrouping, dark clothing only. Fenders not required in case of rain. Ride leaves 4:30PM or whenever, lights not required after dark. Use of the f-word to talk to passing motorists will be required and prizes awarded for originality. Stockyard Ramble, Hog Farm Hejira, or Pulp Mills Perambulation: Enjoy not only the sights and sounds, but the smells of cycling scenic and odiferous roads. We'll be stopping for a lunch of red beans and rice, chili dogs, and garlic paste because by then who cares what everyone in front of you is doing. Frequent regroups and stops at the sleaziest bathrooms we can find. Clean shorts optional. Lung Tasting Tour: Drop it into the big ring and hammer hammer hammer out of the parking lot. Bring your scabs and your attitude. Special sag vehicles will run stragglers off the road. Inclement weather will move ride to local sports bar, where there will be continually arguing over who would have ridden whom off their wheel at Smuggler's Notch. Custom bicycles only please. Recovery Ride: Just getting back from an injury, riding like you are, or maybe just looking for a little sympathy? This is the ride for you. Easy pace allows for conserving breath for whining whining whining. No complaint is disallowed, one-upsmanship will be graded. Rider with the worst proven injury and most obnoxious complaint will be given a gag at the end of the ride. Visible open sores cancel. |
#6
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Another nominee:
Mooch Ride Live off the land on this ride. Don't bring a pen, a sign-up sheet, a tube, patch kit or a pump. We'll head up the North Branch trail on a nice Sunday and borrow gear from passerby if there are any breakdowns. Rest stop at Panera where we'll eat the free samples of bagels and cream cheese, or we'll get taste spoons of ice cream at Baskin-Robbins. |
#7
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Mike Kruger wrote:
I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Poser Ride: Only for those with megabuck bikes. We'll put them on our SUV's and drive to various park and ride lots, then ride a short distance to a nearby trendy coffee house or deli from each lot. We'll only ride on perfect roads so put on your special event wheels for maximum admiration from the masses. Please make sure your jersey and shorts match. New bar tape and water bottles are mandatory. Bring $50 for snacks and drinks. -- My bike blog: http://diabloscott.blogspot.com/ |
#8
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Poser Ride:
Only for those with megabuck bikes. We'll put them on our SUV's and drive to various park and ride lots, then ride a short distance to a nearby trendy coffee house or deli from each lot. We'll only ride on perfect roads so put on your special event wheels for maximum admiration from the masses. Please make sure your jersey and shorts match. New bar tape and water bottles are mandatory. Bring $50 for snacks and drinks. Extra credit if your socks match too. Chris Neary "Science, freedom, beauty, adventu what more could you ask of life? Bicycling combined all the elements I loved" - Adapted from a quotation by Charles Lindbergh |
#9
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Mike Kruger wrote: I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Ride for Prostate Cancer. This ride benefits prostate cancer survivors, and is open to male riders of upright bicycles ("wedgies") with old-style, non-anatomical saddles ("ass-hatchets"). |
#10
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On Mon, 31 Jan 2005 23:17:15 +0000 (UTC), William Asher wrote:
I'm a club newsletter editor. Next issue we publish the new ride schedule. I'd like to do a humorous sidebar on ride ideas that were rejected. Here's what I have so far. Any other ideas? Actual ride just nobody seems to like the concept The Shortest Day or Precious, it's my Birthday: Ride from Jamesburg to Bordentown to Sandyhook and back. Enjoy cool Jersey shore breezes and a leasurely ride along the Delaware as we ride through the narrowest part of the state. Occasional stops. Gale force winds or snow accumulation cancels and yes we'll still ride if it's below freezing. A/3/130 mile (A = 17 - 18 overall avg, 4 = flat, no hills) BTW, my club does the Longest Day ride a double century and it is a December ride. My friend is working on this: Hills of the Flatlands: Ride along the Jersey shore as we venture to every hill we can find. 4000ft total climb and back to sea level. B/3/70 (B = 16 -17, 3 = some hills) My current favorite and one I'm working on for this summer: Dyslexics of the world untie (or it's never a 3 hour tour!): Come join your fearless leader as we try out new routes which will include Ft Dix Artillery range (mechanics troubles and we'll abandon you), the spitting Lama (and you thought dogs were bad!), the Pine Barrens (there is no one for miles!). And I still haven't learned my left from my right. A+,4,130 +/- (A+ = 18+ overall avg, no hills, +/- means we could get lost and get more miles). -- Linux Home Automation Neil Cherry http://home.comcast.net/~ncherry/ (Text only) http://hcs.sourceforge.net/ (HCS II) http://linuxha.blogspot.com/ My HA Blog |
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