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Jute of the Yukon



 
 
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  #1  
Old January 14th 09, 02:20 PM posted to rec.bicycles.tech
Peter Howard
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Posts: 140
Default Jute of the Yukon

In a recent thread entitled "Weather mistakes all-seasons cyclist for punchbag",
Andre Jute wrote the following
So much for being a tough old all-weather show-off...Reminds me of the
cub-reporter from Juneau who asked me, "Now that you've completed a
600 mile training run, sir, and celebrated by shooting up the
instructors for three days, can we look forward to you entering the
Iditarod as a strong competitor?" I looked the sweet young thing
straight in the eye and said, "Do I look stupid?" Er... probably, yes!


Andre "Duh" Jute
Bring back global warming!




Many on RBT will not be familiar with Andre's adventures in Alaska. Presented
below for your reading pleasure is some of the story in his own words,originally
at

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.a...2andre+jute%22

It has the usual ring of quiet modesty and unvarnished veracity

PH


"................................................. .................................................i n
my motor
and powerboat racing days I did have a few out of body experiences on
various stretchers and operating tables. But they were all of the
trivial floating above table looking down on myself kind; no action, no
result, no exterior influence, just a memory. Two, of marginally more
interest, happened on the Iditarod trail in Alaska. While I was
scouting it prior to the run my pilot had to put the plane down on a
large shard of ice floating in a river and I got so cold (the only
heating was the pan of oil we burned under the engine to be able to
take off again after he fixed whatever was wrong) that I clocked out. I
saw a Muslim's paradise peopled by women I had long since forgotten
(not a guilt reflex as I pride myself on being kindly remembered by
women). My editor later cut that from my book Iditarod as too fanciful.
A mate of mine who also was frozen unconscious when he fell off my ship
in the Southern Ocean in the Cape Town to Rio race, and we took some
time sailing Rowlandson figures of eight to find him (I didn't dare not
bring his body home; his mother knew my mother and I'd never hear the
end of it), didn't see anything, though we hoped to hear something
interesting as he was a notorious womanizer. On the other occasion I
had an out of body experience, some guys who were supposed to be
training me, for a practical joke sent me to fetch the post only 75
miles away but "forgot" to pack food for the huskies and "lost" my
compass. ****ing huskies wanted to eat me, ****ing elk wanted to stomp
me and got really nasty after I failed to kill it with my first shot
(you've never met a shot as bad as me; I've been in guerilla wars where
the commander refused to let me carry firearms), finally, with a wolf's
fangs only inches from my throat, and me wondering if anyone would
believe a prayer from me, I saw myself on the snow with my family,
including a favourite but dead grandmother, standing around me. With
the last of my strength I reached my knife and ripped out that wolf's
stomach ("for not using a stronger mouthwash" I said later) and rolled
against the sled before the rest of the pack could get on me; I still
have a toothmark on my wrist but not from a wolf, from a goddamn
huskie. I didn't think this was funny. When I finally got back to the
training camp, in a sorry state and very ****ed off, as you can
imagine, I sat on the berm and shot out all the windows, and their
radio through a window, then shot at those clowns whenever they tried
to go take ****. When the lady administrator of Alaska -- they don't or
at least didn't then have a governor, or if they did I never heard it
mentioned; the lady seemed to be in charge of everything -- came to see
how I was going, these jokers were kneedeep in **** and frozen **** (I
put a few bullets into their heating boiler as well) and I was living
comfortably in a tent with a cook and a valet and a huge fire and all
their food ("I ate their lunch!") because the Eskimo servants took one
look at how badly I shot and decided not to become collateral damage
for so little pay; even the huskies (except those who survived our
brush with the wolves, who preferred Wendigo the evil forest spirit to
me) decided to come live with me. The gratuities I gave the Eskimo
before I was hauled to Juneau to be dressed down for shooting up
mushers temporarily on the government payroll amounted to a year's
salary for each of them; the government was exploiting them. I used
that to escape punishment, glancing often at my newly-arrived camera
team in their van outside the window and smiling gently while I hinted
that the charming publicist could as easily grow a social conscience
and expose them as exploiters of indigenous peoples as promote their
major tourist attraction. "

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  #2  
Old January 18th 09, 06:17 AM posted to rec.bicycles.tech
Tom Sherman[_2_]
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 9,890
Default Jute of the Yukon

Peter Howard wrote:
In a recent thread entitled "Weather mistakes all-seasons cyclist for
punchbag", Andre Jute wrote the following
So much for being a tough old all-weather show-off...Reminds me of the
cub-reporter from Juneau who asked me, "Now that you've completed a
600 mile training run, sir, and celebrated by shooting up the
instructors for three days, can we look forward to you entering the
Iditarod as a strong competitor?" I looked the sweet young thing
straight in the eye and said, "Do I look stupid?" Er... probably, yes!


Andre "Duh" Jute
Bring back global warming!




Many on RBT will not be familiar with Andre's adventures in Alaska.
Presented below for your reading pleasure is some of the story in his
own words,originally at

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.a...2andre+jute%22


It has the usual ring of quiet modesty and unvarnished veracity

Mr. Jute must be the most exceptional man to have ever lived!!!!!!!!!!!

--
Tom Sherman - 42.435731,-83.985007
LOCAL CACTUS EATS CYCLIST - datakoll
 




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