Longer rides not with husband?

In article yV6yc.1963$zz.1825@attbi_s04,
Claire Petersky wrote:
OK, here's the deal.

Long ago, in the wintertime, my husband and I signed up for RSVP, a two-day
183 mile ride from Seattle to Vancouver, BC. We have the hotel reservations,
everything.

[snip]
My husband's in school these days, and this week and next week are the
end-of-the-quarter break. A few weeks ago I had a sort of come-to-Jesus
conversation with him about how he needed to really use the break to pour on
the miles if he really wanted to do Flying Wheels and RSVP with me. Like 30+
miles every day, to get himself up to where Flying Wheels (much less RSVP)
are conceivable. It's now four days into that break, and he's going on his
first ride (an 18 mile round trip) today. I don't blame him for wanting to
do other things on his break, like rest and relax, but there's trade-offs,
and one of those trade-offs might be, he might not be doing these rides with
me this summer.

How's communication between you? Could this be his way of telling you
that he doesn't view long bike rides as worth the effort?

IMHO nagging won't get you anywhere. There is no perfect choice that will
get you the quality time that you want with your husband AND the quality of
experience on these rides. Your husband appears to have made up his mind.
Your choice is a difficult one. One possible thought: have you in your
discussions asked him how he would feel about your doing these rides without
him (posed as a question, not as a threat)? You might figure out some _other_
activities you could share that don't necessarily involve long bike rides.

If the biking is really important to your physical and emotional well-being,
I suggest you find some way to do it. If it helps you as an individual,
it may well help you as part of a couple. There is some risk, but then there
is risk in almost anything. Otherwise the "lesser" alternatives may be
best.

Most if not all married (esp. with children) people probably run into
similar difficulties sooner or later.

Hope it all works out...

-frank
--

I just reread the original post, and reviewed in my mind much of the
thoughtful answers you have received, but one thing seems to be missing--and
no one has mentioned it. Your husband evidently does not follow this NG,
and the entire exchange is written as though his input is not solicited. I
know you had a "come to Jesus" talk with him, but does he know that you
posted this, and is he aware of the alternatives you are weighing?

If he is, what are his reactions, and how has that affected your thinking?
If he is not, how do you suppose he will/would react on finding out that you
have been talking to the whole world, without talking to him first?

And, I can't help wondering: if he were posting to the group about this
situation, what would he be saying?

"Claire Petersky" wrote in message
news:yV6yc.1963$zz.1825@attbi_s04...
OK, here's the deal.

Long ago, in the wintertime, my husband and I signed up for RSVP, a
two-day
183 mile ride from Seattle to Vancouver, BC. We have the hotel
reservations,
everything.

Two weeks from now is the Flying Wheels Century. The elevation profile for
the 100 mile loop is remarkable similar to the elevation profile for the
first day of RSVP. I've been planning to do the 100 mile loop, under the
theory that if I can do the 100 mile ride at the end of June, I should be
able to complete the 183 mile ride by the beginning of August. I'm also
planning a two-day (100 miles back-to-back) STP ride in July, which he has
already decided he wouldn't do.

Now it's the middle of June. Unlike last year, my husband's hardly been
riding. He does one to three short (10 - 30 mile) rides a week. I haven't
been Lance Armstrong myself, but I'm doing more like 100 miles/week just
commuting, and then doing a longer ride over the weekend.

My husband's in school these days, and this week and next week are the
end-of-the-quarter break. A few weeks ago I had a sort of come-to-Jesus
conversation with him about how he needed to really use the break to pour
on
the miles if he really wanted to do Flying Wheels and RSVP with me. Like
30+
miles every day, to get himself up to where Flying Wheels (much less RSVP)
are conceivable. It's now four days into that break, and he's going on his
first ride (an 18 mile round trip) today. I don't blame him for wanting to
do other things on his break, like rest and relax, but there's trade-offs,
and one of those trade-offs might be, he might not be doing these rides
with
me this summer.

Right now, for me, doing the complete century (as opposed to say, the 70
mile loop) feels like a stretch, but I've done it before, and I could
probably survive it again. The problem: I just don't see how my husband's
going to be able to do it. The last longer ride we did together, about 45
miles, he faded before the end, and I had to ride to the car by myself and
circle back and pick him up. In general, he's got the big muscles to push
up
any sort of hill, but he doesn't seem to have the endurance for longer
rides.

So, here are my choices:

a. Do the Flying Wheels full 100 mile loop. He can do the 50 or 70 mile
loop. We'll ride together for part of the ride. He just has to make the
commitment to have his stuff ready and to get up early enough to make it
feasible for me to be able to complete the 100.

b. Make a commitment to doing the ride with him, and doing it on our
tandem,
and doing the 70 mile loop. It won't be the 100 I was hoping for, but the
70
mile loop would be a first for us on a tandem, so has the feeling of a
different kind of accomplishment. I would have it in my back pocket that,
if he feels like he's going to plotz, I can push it as stoker and get him
through it.

c. Make the commitment to doing the 70 mile loop with him, on singles. He
can do a self-evaluation at the break-off point between the 50 and 70 mile
loop, and see if he can actually finish the 70 mile loop.

d. Just do the Flying Wheels full 100 mile loop, and not worry about him
at
all. I have friends I can ride with, let him register and get himself down
there to ride, even if it's later in the morning, if that's what he wants
to
do.

Then, after this choice is made, we'll have to decide about whether or not
RSVP is really happening as a couple. If we did the 70 mile loop on a
tandem, I'd feel much more confident about being able to pull off RSVP on
a
tandem, too.

What do you think? I don't want to nag him, but I'm very nervous about how
this is going to work out.

Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
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Hello Claire,

I don't know your husband obviously but one thing I know is that most men
hate to be pushed into something they are not ready for or do not
necessarilly
want. Since he is the weakest link in this, you will have to decide if you
want
to do something with him. If so I would suggest you let him decide if he is
ready
for the things you have in mind. Perhaps he will be interested in the
Tandem thing,
perhaps he will want to do the single. This is something the two of you
have to
work together, and if you push him into something he doesn't want, he might
do it
but that doesn't mean he will enjoy it. On the long run it might mean he
will get less
interested in it if he doesn't appreciate it and on top have to use what
little free time
he has to do it.

So that is all I can say without knowing the both of you Communication
is always the
key.

Good luck and I am sure you can come to a decision you will both enjoy.

Since I've been requested to post an interim report, here it is.

My husband was out of town when I posted to rbm; he's back now. We talked
further about this. Part of what had made me so skittish about riding
together is that, until this fall, we had ridden to work together several
mornings a week, for a couple of years. I had gotten used to riding with
him, and felt like I knew where he was at. Things changed when he went back
to school. Because of child care obligations, riding together has been
pretty rare.

Anyway, I'd rather ride with him than not, so we recommitted to doing the
rides together. What has happened so far:

I decided not to do the 85 mile ride this weekend I really needed to do if I
was serious about the 100 mile loop for Flying Wheels. Instead, I actually
saw my husband and children at breakfast, and did 60 miles instead. I've
done about 135 miles so far this week -- I'll put on at least 30 more
tomorrow, and about another 60 Saturday. I feel ready for the 70 mile FW
loop and a two day STP.

David did a couple of longer rides during this week, including nearly 50
miles today. So, we should be able to do the 70 mile loop of FW together.

Although he can't do all of STP with me because of a prior conflict, I now
have it set up so he can do the second day with me. Since I plan to ride 125
miles to Winlock the first day, that leaves the remaining 75 together the
second.

After STP, the girls will be in summer camp for a bit, which leaves again
more time for us both to be putting in saddle time later in July.

I'm hoping we'll be on track for RSVP together.


--
Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
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Home of the meditative cyclist:
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Final report for FW:

We did the 70 mile loop together. We also rode to the ride -- the start line
is not even 3 miles from the house, and it's all downhill. Of course, we
paid the price at the end of the day coming home. The total mileage, then,
was about 75 miles.

Although the weather report had for a long time predicted a cloudy day with
scattered showers, it was a gorgeously sunny day, with a light breeze
(occasional headwinds), and not too hot. Almost perfect riding weather.

I had a great deal of fun riding with my husband. Maybe especially because I
haven't had many chances in recent months to ride with him, it was
particularly enjoyable. I guess it might not look like quality time, because
we aren't necessarily talking all that much during the ride, but even just
executing teamwork as riding partners without yakity-yak was fun.

He confessed after the ride was over that he was afraid that he wouldn't
have been able to complete the ride, particularly the nasty hill that comes
about 10 miles before the end of the ride. And he probably didn't go up it
with the same strength as he did last year. But he still climbed it faster
than I did.

Since all my riding friends were advising me to ditch him (as did some of
you), I appreciated the opportunity to ask the question to a wider audience,
and get a variety of opinions.

I hope we'll be in shape for RSVP in August!


--
Warm Regards,

Claire Petersky
Please replace earthlink for mouse-potato and .net for .com
Home of the meditative cyclist:
http://home.earthlink.net/~cpetersky/Welcome.htm
See the books I've set free at: http://bookcrossing.com/referral/Cpetersky

On Sun, 27 Jun 2004 16:12:24 GMT, "Claire Petersky"
wrote:

Final report for FW:

We did the 70 mile loop together. We also rode to the ride -- the start line
is not even 3 miles from the house, and it's all downhill. Of course, we
paid the price at the end of the day coming home. The total mileage, then,
was about 75 miles.

Although the weather report had for a long time predicted a cloudy day with
scattered showers, it was a gorgeously sunny day, with a light breeze
(occasional headwinds), and not too hot. Almost perfect riding weather.

I had a great deal of fun riding with my husband. Maybe especially because I
haven't had many chances in recent months to ride with him, it was
particularly enjoyable. I guess it might not look like quality time, because
we aren't necessarily talking all that much during the ride, but even just
executing teamwork as riding partners without yakity-yak was fun.

He confessed after the ride was over that he was afraid that he wouldn't
have been able to complete the ride, particularly the nasty hill that comes
about 10 miles before the end of the ride. And he probably didn't go up it
with the same strength as he did last year. But he still climbed it faster
than I did.

Since all my riding friends were advising me to ditch him (as did some of
you), I appreciated the opportunity to ask the question to a wider audience,
and get a variety of opinions.

I hope we'll be in shape for RSVP in August!

Just be sure that you tell all your riding friends, in your husband's
presence, preferably, the -he- ditched -you- on the final hill, while
grinning and gesticulating wildly, and beaming in pride at him.

Uh, just a thought..being an actual husband, myself.
;-p
-B

"Claire Petersky" wrote:

Now it's the middle of June. Unlike last year, my husband's hardly been
riding. He does one to three short (10 - 30 mile) rides a week. I haven't
been Lance Armstrong myself, but I'm doing more like 100 miles/week just
commuting, and then doing a longer ride over the weekend.

Right now, for me, doing the complete century (as opposed to say, the 70
mile loop) feels like a stretch, but I've done it before, and I could
probably survive it again. The problem: I just don't see how my husband's
going to be able to do it.

When I undertook my longest-ever ride, from Austin, Tex. to Hot
Springs, Ark., my conditioning consisted mainly of a daily 15-minute
blast to work and back home again. Still, I put in 65 miles on the
first afternoon after a 3pm start, and 135 miles the following day.
It was hard, and bike fit problems that weren't manifested by my short
commute routine made me cut back my mileage on successive days'
riding. But I did it just fine.

If your hubby has a bike that is known to work for him over long
distances, and he is willing to undertake the ride in earnest, then
he'll be OK. All the better if it really kicks his ass; he'll be more
committed to his preparation next time. A hundred miles a day on a
bike just isn't a superhuman effort if one is willing to pace oneself
and feed and water appropriately.

My last cycle camping trip of some 30 miles one way, trying to keep
pace with much faster riders than myself, was more physically
traumatic than any century I've undertaken. If I'd gone at my own
pace, I could have ridden much further. As it was, a couple of hilly
hours wasted me for days.

Chalo Colina

In article ,
(Chalo) writes:


When I undertook my longest-ever ride, from Austin, Tex. to Hot
Springs, Ark., my conditioning consisted mainly of a daily 15-minute
blast to work and back home again. Still, I put in 65 miles on the
first afternoon after a 3pm start, and 135 miles the following day.
It was hard, and bike fit problems that weren't manifested by my short
commute routine made me cut back my mileage on successive days'
riding. But I did it just fine.


Chalo Colina
Sorry for the OT but:
This sounds like a great ride. I just shuttled a RAAM pace car through Arkansas
and the Texas Panhandle on the way back from Atlantic city to San Diego. I
dropped south of the Interstate 40 to visit relatives in Hot Springs and then
returned to the Interstate at Fort Smith, AR by way of SR 78. I don't think I
saw more than 20 - 30 cars plus one or two big rigs and maybe a motor home all
day. I'm wondering if maybe there is some kind of loop Say Austin to Hotsprings
to Amarillo back to Austin? Was your ride supported or did you do it solo self
support? What was your total for the Austin, Hot Springs ride? By any chance is
there a route ticket for this?
Thanks, Bill.

ospam (whinds) wrote:

I'm wondering if maybe there is some kind of loop Say Austin to Hotsprings
to Amarillo back to Austin?

That sounds like a good ride for the spring or fall. In the summer,
you'd have to be really well acclimated to the heat.

Was your ride supported or did you do it solo self support?

Solo.

What was your total for the Austin, Hot Springs ride?

Right around 500 miles in 7 days. I took a fairly direct route via
Palestine, Longview, Marshall, Jefferson, Texarkana, and Hope. I was
headed out to Memphis but my bike started to crack up (2 different
places in the frame) in Hot Springs, so I threw in the towel.

Chalo Colina

From subject header thought this might be juicy.

Bill "slow night" S.