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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
PARIS, France
Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender, Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in France until his gender can be confirmed. In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré. This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into this year's Tour. Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th. Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour and for the sport. Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's gender ever since his genitals were removed. "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances under strict medical control and completely eliminate the reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to avoid a situation that could be bad for his health." Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization. Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies. Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly, seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30% by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals. Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car. The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being charged -- earlier this week. Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering, facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the fact that he is neither male or female. Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de France celebration ends. As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports. Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows that everything they are saying about me is a serious lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment. Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost income." Disclaimer The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should ignore the materials on this message. Any persons, corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement. |
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#2
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
ya! this is so credible.... oh look -- isn't that ET outside your door?
****er! "EP" wrote in message ... PARIS, France Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender, Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in France until his gender can be confirmed. In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré. This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into this year's Tour. Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th. Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour and for the sport. Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's gender ever since his genitals were removed. "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances under strict medical control and completely eliminate the reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to avoid a situation that could be bad for his health." Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization. Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies. Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly, seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30% by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals. Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car. The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being charged -- earlier this week. Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering, facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the fact that he is neither male or female. Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de France celebration ends. As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports. Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows that everything they are saying about me is a serious lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment. Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost income." Disclaimer The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should ignore the materials on this message. Any persons, corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.504 / Virus Database: 302 - Release Date: 7/24/2003 |
#3
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
"EP" wrote in message ... PARIS, France Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender, Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in France until his gender can be confirmed. In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré. This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into this year's Tour. Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th. Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour and for the sport. Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's gender ever since his genitals were removed. "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances under strict medical control and completely eliminate the reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to avoid a situation that could be bad for his health." Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization. Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies. Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly, seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30% by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals. Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car. The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being charged -- earlier this week. Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering, facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the fact that he is neither male or female. Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de France celebration ends. As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports. Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows that everything they are saying about me is a serious lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment. Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost income." Disclaimer The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should ignore the materials on this message. Any persons, corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement. I agree........but your freedom of speech infringed upon my time spending reading your trash..........I should bill you for my time. |
#4
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
It wasn't funny.........just a waste of time.............I think a new
career is in order. "curt" wrote in message ... Geez Barton....I think it was meant to be a joke. Relax. Curt "Barton Brelem" wrote in message ... ya! this is so credible.... oh look -- isn't that ET outside your door? ****er! "EP" wrote in message ... PARIS, France Merely hours after winning this year's TDF, Lance Armstrong was placed under formal investigation in a scandal regarding his gender, Jean-Marie Leblanc, the director of the Tour de France announced that the US Postal team has been expelled from all future races in France until his gender can be confirmed. In a move to circumvent the spread of cancer, Lance's genitals were completely removed right after the Critérium du Dauphiné Libéré. This is what Lance was referring to when he hinted at problems going into this year's Tour. Leblanc said the team was being excluded in part to "end the unhealthy climate of gender falsification" that has pervaded the competition since it got underway in Paris, July 5th. Leblanc said the decision was "difficult" but "indispensable" for the Tour and for the sport. Earlier, in Paris, Leblanc said in a statement read by a French lawyer that there was a "concerted" practice of concealing Lance's gender ever since his genitals were removed. "The object of removing Lance's genitals was to optimize performances under strict medical control and completely eliminate the reoccurrence of testicular and penis cancer," said the statement read by French physician Dr. Thibault de Montbrial, "in order to avoid a situation that could be bad for his health." Dr. Montbrial went on to say, "Despite gonads with the typical appearance of testes (perhaps altered similarly to those with cryptorchidism), a feminine gender assignment is unquestionable because of the completely feminine phenotype and because end-organ failure prevents endocrinologically produced masculinization. Confirmation of the diagnosis is crucial because the syndrome is associated with a significant incidence of gonadal malignancies. Malignant tumors are termed germinomas or, more properly, seminomas because the tumors arise in a testis. The youngest reported age of occurrence was 14 years. Overall frequency of gonadal malignancies is approximately 6%, with incidence rising to more than 30% by age 50 years. Sertoli cell and Leydig cell tumors have been reported. Tubular cell adenomas, also fairly frequent, have a potential for malignancy because neoplastic transformation has been reported." Therefore, he said, we had to remove his genitals. Armstrong, his physician, and a Nike ethicist have been in custody since the end of the Tour today after police found a stash of prosthetic genitals in the team masseur's car. The masseur was placed under investigation -- a step short of being charged -- earlier this week. Officials said Armstrong is under investigation for importing and circulating prohibited merchandise as well as administering, facilitating and inciting the use of prosthetic genitals to conceal the fact that he is neither male or female. Prosecutor Jean-Philippe DuPont said earlier that USPS cyclists would be questioned as witnesses in the case after the Tour de France celebration ends. As controversy grew, Jean-Paul Escande, former president of a national commission for athletes using prosthetic genitals, said the affair is unfairly targeting the USPS team. Escande said the use of such prosthetic devices is not widespread in sports. Armstrong told the L'Equipe newspaper at the Medical Control trailer that he was "broken" by the allegations, and staunchly denied any involvement in gender falsification. "My wife knows me, and she knows that everything they are saying about me is a serious lie," he said. Ms. Armstrong had no comment. Armstrong's main sponsor, United Stated Postal Service, is threatening to pull out of cycling if Lance is not allowed to ride in next years Tour. An anonymous Nike spokesperson said, "If he isn't allowed to ride with the men next July, then Lance will be racing in all the women's races in France next year to recuperate lost income." Disclaimer The contents of this message are PARODY, as should be obvious, and therefore are not meant to be taken as fact, or as news. Anyone who objects to freedom of speech, or expression through parody should ignore the materials on this message. Any persons, corporations, or other entities referred to on this site appear only for the sake of parody. As parody, I purport none of what appears on this site to be true. This message does not describe or represent actual events, or facts, but rather fabrications based on opinions and fact for the sake of amusement. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.504 / Virus Database: 302 - Release Date: 7/24/2003 |
#5
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
Where can I get a case of what you're drinking?
"EP" wrote in message ... PARIS, France |
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
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#7
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Lance Armstrong Under Formal Investigation
Just a Cyclist wrote: I agree........but your freedom of speech infringed upon my time spending reading your trash..........I should bill you for my time. exersize your freedom of choice and don't read it stupid...... |
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