Forest Grump rides again (with 3 "mistakes")

Back on the main trail, I meet three young men on mountain bikes,
plodding along in the wrong gears. All three make supposedly witty
comments, clearly well-meant. One asks, "How do you ride that?" What
can I say? I answer, "Practise practise practise." He responds,
"You're bloody telling me," as if he fully understands the principle of
unicycling, is able to comment intelligently on it, and could no doubt
do it if he set his mind to it - which he won't.

I see the entrance to one of my regular tracks is taped off and there
are notices saying, "Unauthorised access forbidden" which I think is
borderline tautology. I decide to be a good boy and ride up the hill
on the main track until I see a side path that is not taped off. I
have to idle while a family of three emerges on their mountain bikes -
hallelujah! Someone actually going off the hard trail on their bikes!

When my way is clear, I ride through and find myself on one of the
areas where mountain bikers or BMXers have built ramps and dug pits. I
know this area, and have some regular "showing off" routes. However,
someone has been busy in my absence and built some new ramps. One
looks inviting, and I ride up to it, then a little voice in my head
warns me to recce it properly. It's just as well that I do, because
the short steep ramp up is rideable, but the drop down on the other
side is not: it's vertical into a small steep sided pit! The
expression "plums like coconuts" springs to mind. I ride past, and
play for a few minutes on the familiar obstacles.

So far, I estimate I've ridden about 2.5 - 3 miles ( say 4 - 5 km)
without a single UPD, despite considerable range of terrain types and
obstacles. I'm in that mind set where I don't want to try anything too
challenging in case I "break my duck". I recognise this, and make a
conscious effort to overcome it.

I ride up a small hummock, drop down and swoop through some slightly
uneven rutted mud, then hit the small uphill that leads to the top of
the big earth bank. The bank is similar to the rampart of a hill fort,
and I know that beyond and below it is another. I have never been sure
whether these banks are natural or man made. they've clearly been here
for ages as there are mature trees growing on them. Perhaps they were
once something to do with the military: there is a training camp only a
few miles away.

On a good day, I can make it to the top of the first bank; on a bad
day, I stall. Today is a good day, and with some grunting (and, it
must be said, a modicum of swearing) I reach the crest of the bank.

The climb up is only a few feet (say 2-3 metres) but steep and uneven.
The drop down the other side is considerably further, and just as
steep. Someone has been digging, and it looks like back wheel skids
have gouged ruts down the face of the slope. It looks worse than it
used to and I know that a UPD here will mean using a nail brush to
remove the grit from my wounds. I hesitate for a moment, then go for
it, riding down the slope slowly enough to keep control, but too fast
to stop. I roll out at the bottom and use my momentum to carry me the
metre or two up to the top of the next earth bank.

The top of this bank has also seen the spade recently, and the ruts on
the downward slope are just as pronounced as on the first one. Having
come this far, I feel committed, and I swoop down, letting out an
exultant yell of relief and triumph when I make it to the flat ground a
few metres below.

As I continue towards a wider trail a few metres away that runs
parallel to the bank, I hear mountain bikers behind me, and wish they'd
seen what I just did.

I remember that I have still had no UPD during the ride; I haven't even
stopped for a rest. I cast my mind back over the sections I've ridden,
marvelling at the variety of obstacles, and wondering what I'll write
this evening. Smugly contemplating this, I lose concentration - the
act of observation that I have had no UPD causes one: Schroedinger's
UPD! It's not a bad one - just a step off, on an innocuous section of
fairly smooth mud. I curse my lack of concentration, but feel myself
relax just a little, because once the ride is no longer "faultless".
Further UPDs will be merely a question of degree, and I now feel more
free to try stuff. (Me, obsessive? Nah!)


--
Mikefule

The journey's always easy when you've got no place to go,
No trouble when you've nothing much to do
When you've left some place behind, just to see what you might find,
And you're travelling just to get to somewhere new.
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